Monday, November 25, 2013

moving on when you are not.

As I reach 22 years old, I realize things are getting tougher in life.
Discussing about the future with your friends, family and love one.
It feel like a grown up when I am not.
Asked Umi if I act like I am 22..
She will obviously said no, seldom at home, umi will scold me on how messy my room are, how messy my study room are, how messy my kitchen are.
Always when I cook, my family will say that it is tasteless, kurang garam, kurang gula and etc.
And I will answer all the question like a child.."ala tapelah..cantik dah tu..sedaplah ni..kemas dah ni"
but despite all that, what I went through, what my friend went through is not something that I can act childishly.
Sometimes I am proud of myself to handle my ownselves in a quite a good way.
Atleast, I can actually make my own decision on what is good or bad, although no one is perfect and I, too, make mistakes.
I choose what I need to keep and what I need to move on.
Thinking about the fact on the future, it is a bit..hmm..I cant describe it.
What I know is I will graduate in another 7-8 months, then I will work at hospitals, or retail pharmacy or industrial pharmacy(??)
marriage? InsyaAllah but the chance maybe not within this 2-3 years since I dont think I have much time during Provisional Registered Pharmacist (PRP) or what other called it as houseman. (Clinical yg 1 case a week pon dah tak bernafas, inikan 20cases/week waktu PRP nanti)

Sometimes there are time when we all did the wrong decision at the wrong time.
and by the time had passed, we all regret what we have decided.
We regret that why on earth we did something so desperate, so rushed, so fast.
Sometimes we asked ourselves..'why can't we wait until we are ready to make the decision, why can't we keep calm and let time heal everything. And with time, we can make the right decision with a clearer vision of the future'
We learn from the bad decision, yes we did.
but sometimes the bad decision will not make things correct again.
it will change everything and nothing can be undo.


it such a very loooooongggg time since I last updated this blog.
and such a long time to update my current situation or self or whatever.
There are lots of things that I miss.
I miss pampering myself, miss doing all my hobbies, I miss everyone, and even miss myself.
and I even miss writing on this blog.
this blog was once my addiction, just like my addiction on make up, shawl, square shawls, blouse, good health, getting on diet and the list goes on.
unfortunately I dont have enough time to do everything.
I was busy with clinical attachment, research project, assignments, presentation and etc.
It's already the end of November, and this November is never the same November I ever had.
So much things happened in November, so much laughter and cries.
Clinical attachment is very interesting and tiring for me.
I never studies as much as during the attachment.
Woke up at 6am, go out at 7am,
reach Hospital by 0735am, stayed there till 6pm since I have to wait for Umi to fetch me from her workplace,
reach home around 7pm,
clean, rest, eat until 830pm and start studying my case until I got all the answer for the precetor's question and understand the case, study the Clinical Practice Guidelines, all the drug interaction, all and everything on the drugs and ofcourse for my dearest lecturers, my complete report on my case.
I dont even have time for other things.
and maybe that's why the pharmacy department have so many beautiful single ladies. Like seriously.
It takes a person that could understand us completely.
Ok, done with attachment, I supposed to have poster presentation last week on thursday, but they postponed it.
I finished my poster, week before since I wanna go for a holiday at Perak. *wink*
Those trip is just so wonderful but I am too lazy to write it down..maybe I'll just put some picture in here.

p/s: the truth is, I put on weight after raya and still did not managed to get back my weight. So, I have to say that I am on diet. Thanks that I am on workout during puasa and raya, it did not really affect my physical appearance so much.

Monday, October 7, 2013

let fate fares you better- hlovate

let fate fares you, me, us better

AO: Minn, I love you the way you're today, nonetheless before
Minn: I wanted fate to fare you better
AO: Fate is faring me best with you by my side
Minn: I'm not perfect
AO: So do I
Minn: I'm still adjusting with the new me
AO: W'll get through it together
Minn: We've never had anything to do with each other before
AO: We'll start from step one
MInn: We need time to work things out
AO: We have forever”- hlovate, versus

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Istana Budaya

last Sunday, I was at Istana Budaya for a concert,
this is my first concert and I drove myself to Istana Budaya, KL.
I was so excited, and I went there with ofcourse my beloved bestfriend, yin and nani..
Unfortunate for teha, because she has to go back to USM..
so, whose concert that I went??

it's YUNA!!
I am a fan of yuna since she is still not that popular,
It was back then on 2009 which is after I took my SPM
when she first debut her first songs Dan Sebenarnya on the radio,
I've finished listening to almost all her songs at the moment.

I am not her fan because people said I look like her,
and I am not look alike Yuna because I am her fan.
I love her music, although I am not really into her style and fashion.

The concert is soooo awesome,
I can't take my eyes off her dress, credit to Halta Dolmat, it just suit her well.
Yuna's voice is mesmerizing,
she sang 21 songs, although there are new songs that I haven't really listen to,
but I got to listened to all my favourite songs except for fading flower.
the combination of Yuna's voice and Symphony National Orchestra was fantastic,
She invited Mike from Incubus and sang a cover from Incubus which is I Miss You,
I had a chance to meet the famous Yuna's personal photographer a.k.a Yuna's special someone I guess, Mr Julian Schratter,
and overall is just wonderful!

Sunday, September 1, 2013


obviously, I am far less than perfect ;-)

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

syawal 2013

it has been a while for me to write randomly on this blog.
Currently, I am not so busy.
New semester has arrived but I still feel that we are on holiday because I only have 3 classes to attend,
and only have to go to MSU on monday and wednesday.
I was offered to do part time at my previous attachment place,
still thinking because I have to go to hospital for clinical attachment throughout october,
then my research project have not yet started..
by that time it will be a total mess.
so, yeah, still thinking.

so back to the topic,
it's syawal.
and this year is totally different.
I did not go back to johore, instead all the piranhas came to Shah Alam!!
so, I celebrate raya in Shah Alam this year.
Then, we make some reunion with my classmates at SMKSSAAS last weekend.
It has been almost five years I have not met them except for few people.
I am not really the kind of girl yg peramah and close to everyone back then at school.
especially to the boys.
but everything seems the same. same good old memories.
the boys are still naughty, mischievous and still nice.
and the girls are still as sweet as I can remember.
being with them, is a different version of me, different aura. Just different.
Talking about what's going on in our life for the past five years, what is our plan, when we are going to graduate, doing the survey for our friend final project, reminiscing the past, teasing, laughing.
It just felt that time has stop at 2008 and we are still that teenagers that still struggling for our SPM.
still remembering how we organize our class trip after SPM to Pangkor ON OUR OWN.
I just remember how I miss those moment so much.
Eventhough some of us have changed,
from a cutie to a handsome and beautiful person,
from a chubby person to a skinny person (which I and some of us did),
or to a skinny to a chubby person (teehee)
from a silent person to a talkative person,
and the list goes on,
but being with them, it still feels the same.
Joy. Youth.

Monday, July 29, 2013

End of Third Year

officially finished my third year last Thursday, which is my last day at one of the Community Pharmacy at Section 7, Shah Alam.
This attachment was the most memorable attachment,
it just feel so close to my heart that I can't believe those 3 weeks have ended.
I've never been happy after a period of time.
pernah tak rasa macam, kalau boleh kita nak pegi someplace yang no one know us,
no one know about our past, and no one will judge us?
that is exactly what I want and what I get during the attachment.
Aku tak kenal sorang pon dari diorang, and diorang pon tak kenal aku.
Although aku buat attachment dengan one of my friend, tapi sebabkan shift kami sentiasa berbeza, aku jumpa dia sekejap je..
Pengalaman kalini sangat berbeza dari pengalaman attachment dekat hospital.
aku pernah terfikir that one day, aku maybe akan end up dekat community or retail pharmacy tapi maybe after a while dekat hospital which actually freak me out.
and after this attachment, aku memang dah bulat hati that I am definitely will end up dekat community pharmacy one day.
hospital bagi aku adalah tempat untuk strengthen my knowledge and as a preparation to stand by myself as a good pharmacist.

sebab interaction with patient lagi besar and lagi best..
and what surprise me is that, our community bukan lagi yg macam lecturer kata tataw apa2 pasal ubat..
actually they knew a lot!
kalau tak, takkanlah Prostinor 2 adalah one of the hot selling item.
*prostinor adalah after morning pill, so bila drama sume siarkan pasal kena rogol, then pregnant then terpaksa kawen dengan perogol tu..aku akan sentiasa cakap that is ridiculus, bulls***.
and takkanlah ramai yg datang2 mintak Dalacin T, Clindamycin, doxymycin and all other antibiotic and hormone to treat acne?
sepanjang aku belajar pon ada jugak ubat yg aku xpernah dengar utk rawat certain things yg aku end up tahu dari patient.hoho

since aku start attachment 8 haribulan and kita berpuasa 10 hb, so aku pon menyambut Ramadhan dengan bekerja.
Alhamdulillah, selama aku berbuka dekat kedai, memang terasa best sangat.
dan maybe sebab kan tu, kami lebih cepat rapat dengan staff kat situ.
Sampai minggu last aku kat situ, aku berbuka setiap hari dengan diorang eventhough aku dah habis shift.
Dekat situ, aku memang rapat dengan Kak Nabilah, Kak Azirah, Jazlan and Rizal.
diorang staff yg paling cool n paling best lah..

Kak Nabilah pharmacist kitorg, dia baru masuk beberapa hari lepas kami masuk,
dia dari hospital, so dia banyak share apa yg dia tahu dengan aku, and dia ada butik online sendiri which is The Scarves..Kak Nabilah ni sempoi je, bawak VW Polo.. dapatlah merasa naik kereta dia untuk beli makanan berbuka haritu..hihikkss.. Good Luck Kak Bel belajar selok belok bisnes and saya akan support shawl baru akak..kih3

Kak Azirah, yang first sekali aku jumpa waktu briefing sebelum start bekerja..
waktu first time tu dia dah ajar aku ubat macam2, selok belok kerja kat situ n macam2 lah..
then Kak Azirah ni memang jenis yg straight forward, kalau xnak tu xnaklah..kalau ok tu oklah..
dia memang best! senang bercakap and berkawan dengan dia..memang ngam lah..dah rindu kak Azira..rindu nak makeup kan and pakaikan kak Zira shawl..wuwu

Jazlan pun yg first jumpa sama dengan kak Azirah.. Dia ni sebijik cam kawan kat kekadang terlepas cakap cam tengah cakap dengan kawan tu..then dia pandai make up..semua tips kecantikan dah korek dari dia..lagipon kulit dia memang cantiknya kalah aku.. Dia ni macam2 perangai..buat time yg ceria memang ceria habis, ckp apa pon dia okay je..

Rizal pulak jenis yang diam.. Atleast seimbanglah jugak kedai tu..ada yang diam, ada yg bising2 sket..huhu.. Dia ni jenis yang memang baik dengan perempuan yang bagi aku perempuan senang salah fahamlah tahap kebaikan dia..memula kenal, aku dengar eisya panggil dia abang..tapi dia panggil aku aku rasa xpuas hati sbb aku rasa aku xlah lebih tua dari dia..and memang tepatlah aku dengan dia sebaya. Ni kalau ada sesiapa yang berkenan nak buat calon bolehlah komen kat bawah ni..hoho..

eisya and Ros, aku xlah rapat sangat ngan diorg..
pernah buka dengan diorang pon dua kali je..
diorang banyak sama shift dengan member aku yg lagi sorang..diorang ni pon aku kenal dua minggu je before diorang berhenti.. tapi diorang memang pandai bab ubat..Ros mmg assistant pharmacist..tapi eisya dia tgh study account tp sbb dah lama wat part time ubat, dah tahu ubat apa utk apa..kkdg kalah aku..hhuhu

afterall, memang terasa seronok sebab perangai diorang boleh masuk dengan aku kot..
and Ramadhan buat ukhwah ni lebih kukuh. InsyaAllah I will never forget this one piece of memory and ofcourse saya akan datang tolong2 and melawat korang..

Kak Ina, Kak Nabilah (Pharmacist), Pn Winda ( Pharmacist Manager), Pn Hasnah ( my preceptor, consultant, Pharmacist)

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

sending sanah.

last Sunday, we all went back to Johore to send Sanah into matricualtion.
*week before, I went to Johore and come back with a sore throat and cough,
and still not recover and my cough is getting worst,
I know, it has been more than a week.*

so, the first impression for matrix Johor is, it is huge and have so many blocks.
unfortunately, when my sister saw her room, she said,
" bilik dia lagi kecik dari bilik kak nurul"
I think it was actually the same but because her closet is in the middle of the room, it make the room crowded.
and they did not provide bed sheet and she has to use her own bed sheet yg colour block sgt..
whatever it is, it is your fate to be there,
to atleast make the same memories that I have in matrix,
believe me,
matrix is just so great and the memories there is irreplaceable and you wouldn't find it elsewhere.
and enjoy your orientation day!

Afterall, when it comes to the word matrix,
all the memories are rushing in..
it is a lie if I said I forgotten everything about matrix,
instead I miss everything.
I don't really like degree life,
if I want to conclude in one sentence, I would say, it is selfish.
I really miss matrix, where we all could laugh and cry under one roof,
to just have someone through out the day is just priceless.
Put it under my shoes,
here, in degree, I only be with my friends in the class.
After class, we went back home.
I almost forget, how it feels like to talk to someone just about everything,
to just gossips around, have fun, talk and let out everything to someone.
It has been a while I keep my mouth shut.
I totally forgot how to even talk randomly and say whatever that came into my mind.
I have forgotten how it feels like to have someone that will support you,
that will wake you up, that will help you, that will just sit with you.
It been a while I have the feeling of dependent on someone.
studies show that you will change every 4 years.
and maybe I am in that phase.
I dont even know how to be the way I was with everyone.
the only place I have to just be me is my home.
Those friendship made during matrix life, is just so valuable.
I just miss that,
when I just could go to anyone whenever I am bored.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

who says?


one girl, hate another girl,
one day that girl knew about it,
she is so sad and dissapointed because she did not know what she did wrong,
She try to ignore that girl because she does not want to make the girl hate her more,
they did not say anything to each other for years,
until one time, when she have no one and alone,
she only have one choice, which is to talk again to her,
each and everyday, is an awkward moment,
each and every move she did is to make sure that the girl does not hate it,
every word she said is so careful,
she is the type who will tell everything to her friend, but she did not.
Just because she does not want her to feel that she is bragging,
she is just being careful everytime,
but now, they are friend,
they seems so awkward,
but what she know is she is her friend,
atleast she have her as her friend. End.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

will everything be the same?

things are a bit complicated each day,
we are all getting busier,
and I don't even know what I want or need to do,
there is a lot of thing but I don't even know where to start,
and in the end I'm on a mood swing and all I want to do is broke down and just lay down,
not doing anything.
and right now, I am not feeling well, sore throats and losing my voice.
the worst part is, I have presentation tomorrow, which I don't know how am I going to do it with this voice,
and with least practice.
I don't really mind presenting infront, because it have been years I'm doing the presentation alone or in group.
so, maybe I just get it done and hoping that my throat will be better by the time I need to present.

sometimes, getting busy is what we have to do,
to ignore what we have in our mind and heart,
busy= accepting reality...or..... ignoring reality.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013


the first experience,
the most controversial General Election.
I was there, I was part of it.
I don't want to say a word on it because,
mencurah minyak ke api, hanya akan memburukkan keadaan.
my voice might be too small, I might be too young to say a word on it,
but what I could see, I couldn't deny.
Everyone have their own opinion,
and everyone strive to make their opinion accepted by others.
Without trying to listen..
afterall listen, listen, listen is what a Malaysian needs..
Malaysian have talk a lot and did not listen..

kepada mereka yang telah menginjak usia 21 tahun,
I was a bit sad, when they CHOOSE not to register as a voter.
they said that, they are not interested on politic, so they did not register intentionally.
they did not know who to choose,
my dear, did you know that it is your responsibility.
Even I who were born on November are still managed to mendaftar, dont give the tak-sempat-daftar excuse.
I WAS like that once, did not want to register...but my dad force me to.
and when I asked him, to whom shall I support and vote for,
he said to me,
" kau dah besar, sebab tu yang boleh mengundi ni yang berusia 21 tahun keatas, dah boleh berfikir sendiri tanpa pengaruh orang lain. Pilihlah yang betul-betul bantu menegakkan Islam."
and yes, he NEVER forced nor influenced me to choose which party or WHO to vote.
I decide it myself after hearing all the campaigns and flyers and manifesto or akujanji and etc FROM BOTH PARTY.
and yes, by time you will realize your capabality to think by yourself,
and most of it to know that the election is not a game,
not just for fun nor for the purpose of following others.
It is beyond all that, it is a RESPONSIBILITY.
The least is, in the akhirat, I could answer to HIM on what I have done to my country,
I have choose who I believe can lead us in the Islamic way,
and if the leader dissapoint us, that is what he is preparing for to answer at the day of judgement to all his citizen and most of it to the Lord, Allah.
I have done my part, and now let the government do theirs.
Hoping for a better Malaysia, without racism, without any fights, without fitnah, without corruption.

Saturday, May 4, 2013



sedangkan Tuhan pon ada yang tak dapat terima,
apatah aku hamba yang hina..
siapalah aku nak buat semua orang suka..
owh pliss, kalau hidup hanya dalam masa lampau,
sila tampar diri sendiri kuat2,
moga tersedar sendiri,
sampai bila nak hidup mengejar bayang2,
yang dah lepas buat apa digenggam,
buka genggaman dan genggamlah apa yang mampu di capai..
moga tercapai apa yang dihajati,
insan hina ine berdoa dari jauh.
just my two cents, peace!

Monday, April 29, 2013

the angels that come into my life~

last week, despite my busy schedule, I managed to celebrate one of the princess's birthday..
ok, this sounds a bit lame,
but who cares, my girlfriends are as precious as a princess for me.
we are all been so busy with our schedule, classes and work,
that we have to celebrate it a lil bit late from the exact date..
and to the extend that we only could wish her on fb or twitter.
on the day itself, I was in Bangi for the NPSC..
I know she is a bit sad, as if everybody was ignoring her..
but we aren't..
we had made a planned few weeks before her birthday..
but to make a plan for her is the most difficult birthday plan compared to the others, and you sure know why right?
She knows everything, and we couldn't hide anything *atleast for the first part, it was a success,xD
but in the end everything went smooth..we ate dinner and spending time chatting..
everyone tends to speak as if we haven't seen each others for years..
we miss each other..

fruit juice!

our food by Mr Steak House

and that is how I gained my weight over a week.

birthday girl, yinyin


handmade birthday gift for her samsung tab. Hope she love it eventhough it is senget benget.

people ask me, why can I treat my girlfriends nicely but not towards others?
why I can easily go out with my girlfriends but not with others?
Why did I treat them differently from others?
to whom shall I compared,
they have known me almost quarter of my life,
they have been there for me always, without once letting me crying alone in this cruel place,
they have seen me through my worse till who I am now.
they have been the one that spread their hand,
to help me stand up after a downfall.
to whom shall I compare,
the angel that sent by Allah for me to face the harsh reality of life, with the one who have not prove to me  that they are sincere to be friend with me but judging me continuously.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

little thing.

Your hand fits in mine 
Like it's made just for me 
But bear this in mind 
It was meant to be 
And I'm joining up the dots 
With the freckles on your cheeks 
And it all makes sense to me 

I know you've never loved 
The crinkles by your eyes when you smile 
You've never loved 
Your stomach or your thighs 
The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine 
But I'll love them endlessly 

I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth 
But if I do, it's you, 
Oh it's you, 
They add up to 
I'm in love with you, 
And all these little things 

You can't go to bed, 
Without a cup of tea, 
And maybe that's the reason 
That you talk, in your sleep 
And all those conversations 
Are the secrets that I keep 
Though it makes no sense to me

I know you've never loved the sound of your voice on tape 
You never want to know how much you weigh 
You still have to squeeze into your jeans 
You're perfect to me 

I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth 
But if it's true, 
It's you, 
It's you, 
They add up to 
I'm in love with you, 
And all these little things 

You'll never love yourself 
Half as much as I love you 
You'll never treat yourself right, darlin' 
But I want you to, 
If I let you know, I'm here for you, 
Maybe you'll love yourself, 
Like I love you 

And I've just let these little things 
Slip, out of my mouth, 
'Cause it's you, oh it's you, 
It's you, 
They add up to 
And I'm in love with you, 
And all these little things, 

I won't let these little things 
Slip, out of my mouth, 
But if it's true, 
It's you, it's you, 
They add up to, 
I'm in love with you, 
And all your little things

currently addicted to this song..
every women have their own insecurities.
I did too..
and just like this song, I still dislike my weight, still on diet all the time, although I lost a lot of weight..
and I've been telling him, all this, and he will just sigh and said, "dietlah, ikut awaklah...'
but at the same time, he always remind me to eat..
just like my parents who will force and membebel suruh makan esp for breakfast.
but it just something that built in ourselves..
and when I hear this song, I was like, this is so true..
and the lyrics are just so sweet.
I keep on replaying it *even in my head.

Monday, April 22, 2013

those little moment that make me turn back to time and smile.

last friday was my last paper for midsem.
this semester 8 subjects, full of reading and case studies..
I was a laid back type of students who will sleep at 12 o'clock sharp everyday..
unfortunately when I enter degree life, I was never able to sleep around that time especially exam week.
If I am sleepy yes I will sleep at 11 or 12 and wake up around 2 or 3 and stay up till morning..
so the last day of examination is the most tiring day and I just wish to finished the exam and sleep..
unfortunately I can't.
after finishing exam, I went home and packed my stuff for National Pharmacy Sports Carnival that were held in UKM, Bangi..
I am half excited, half exhausted.
honestly, we did not managed to practice regularly because of the weather and our schedule is packed.
and as expected our team lose.
but the least thing is that,
this trip, remind me on matrix life.
I really miss budak asrama life.
to actually have someone to talk just about everything when we went back from a tiring class and activity.
to go to the class together.
the feeling of waiting for your teammate..
the midnight talk, sleep together with our friend..
just everything.
I am manja with my friend, this togetherness, girls talk, girl meant a lot to me.
this is what I expect in my degree life actually.
eventhough it was just temporary, but I just wish that the bonding with the seniors and juniors will last.
and I hope to join this activity again next year..(UIA, here we come!)
and ofcourse, when I said UKM, I have a lot of friends there..
it just that I just met yon, bad and salwa..
I did not managed to meet kamil, azza and ain because of time and transportation ..
meeting them, it does make me forgot about degree life..
owh I miss everything....

netball team

pengerusi pharmacy club msu with official photographer club *poyo

terompah gergasi can be hillarious

yon and bad, orang kuat NPSC

just because this feels so sweet

p/s: event from friday to sunday..and after reaching home, I slept from 8 pm till next morning..woah!

Monday, April 8, 2013


I always have this in my mind..
Ingat mati tu perlu supaya kita selalu ingat Allah
Dan kita akan selalu cuba perbaiki diri sendiri..
And I will always keep in mind,
Mati tu bila-bila..
Kalau nak buat jahat, sanggup ke aku mati dalam keadaan jahat?
Afterall aku manusia biasa,
Tak lari dari alpa dan lupa.
And tak lari dari perasaan nak disayangi..
Kadang-kadang fikir, siapalah aku pada pandangan sesiapa..
Bila aku tak ada, ada ke yang akan ingat, rindu, doakan aku?

The best line from a bestfriend,
If I die, don't come near to my body, because I couldn't wipe your tears anymore :')

Friday, March 22, 2013



Diamnya aku, bukan kerana takut berkata-kata,
tapi acap kali kata-kataku dipandang enteng.
Diamnya aku bukan kerana tiada semangat,
tapi semangatku hilang pabila mereka sering mencari kesalahan pada setiap kataku.
Diamnya aku bukan kerana aku manusia tanpa pandangan,
tapi pandanganku sering diabaikan kerna aku bukan sesiapa.
Diamnya aku bukan kerana tiada pendirian,
tapi apabila aku suarakan mereka memperkecilkan ku.
Diamnya aku bukan kerana aku pendiam,
tapi diamnya aku kerana aku pernah bersuara..
tapi, suaraku terlalu kecil dan terlalu mudah dipandang sebelah mata,
suaraku ini tidak pantas buat manusia hebat sepertimu..
Namun aku yakin,
suatu hari nanti, sunyinya suaraku bakal didengar dan diambil berat.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013


"Well, love is when their happiness is all that matters.
You'll love them even if they're not into you.
You'll love them even if you're in it all alone.
And you'll calmly accept those circumstances and carry on with life. Because unrequited love isn't the end of your life, right?

You cant't tell yourself to completely forget someone. But you can tell yourself to accept the fact that the person you love doesn't need you." (athira azrin, 2013)
it is not what other gives you,
it is what you give to others.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Evolution?transformation? transformer! haha

since we will be having our first annual dinner,
people around me was so eager to talk about the preparation and stuff.
and most of it, how to loss weight.
and because I've lost a lot of weight before, people asked me a lot.
and some did not believe that I was chubby before.
honestly, I am not fat as in obese-fat..I am chubby.
with my height around 152 cm, at that time I might weighed around 53/54kg..*yes, it is not fat*
my thigh at that time was too obvious,
and my round face is so obviously round..
I was almost the same size as my umi..
my jeans were around size 29/30.
I gained weight when I was in form 2/3.
then of course after SPM make it worse because I learned baking and cooking and I am not working.
I start to get on diets several time but it fails.
but this is the point where my diet routine changed.
decrease intake of carbs (rice) and more intake of the lauk, salads.

form 5

after SPM

                                                                  form 5, believe it or not..hua3, prefect camping!

after I went to matrix, my weight starts to decrease.
this might due to the stress, the adaptation to asrama life, the studies and etc.
at this moment, people start to said that I am getting skinnier.
my weight after matrix was around 50kg but it was pretty obvious.

when I enter MSU, again, I losses more weight..
at that time I was adapting with the new environment,
catching up with the learning process and etc..

first year

first year
second year was very hectic and busy.
we had 24 credit hours, went to class from 8 am to 8 pm..
most of my classmates also had a changes in their body weight.
but different from me, they are gaining weight and I am losing weight.
my weight decrease drastically from 51 to 45kg..
and I was not on diet.
it just that, I don't have the appetite.
second year

second year

second year

                                       third year
last month

last week

so for end of last year, everything is getting better,
and I start to eat a lot actually..
hope that my weight won't be increasing although I feet a bit bloated..
being insecure is just something that I can't help.
people will always tell me, "cukuplah kata nak kurus, kalau kau gemuk, aku ni apa?"
but I just dont want to be bigger than what I am now, that is what I meant when I am controlling my body.
and, never said that I was perfect from the beginning, I am not.
and who said skinny is perfect?

p/s: actually people who decreased their weight drastically tend to have a yoyo body weight..wuwuwu..

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