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Saturday, May 20, 2017

Picture

Assalamualaikum.
Is a picture is just a picture?
Every single picture has a memory behind it
The only person who knew about it are the person inside of the picture and person behind that picture
Even if that picture is just a picture of one person posing nicely
It takes a memory of more than one person
That is how precious a picture is
It hold a memory lasting forever



This picture hold so many stories.
Behind it was a girl that stand up tall besides a person who shattered her heart.
She capture this because deep down she knew it was their last memory together.
She remember everything that was said to her at that moment.
"Thanks for today, for waiting, for all this time and for... Everything"
And she cries because the time is up.
It should've ended at that moment. If only the other person was courage enough.
Unfortunately she was hurt by the false hope and was hurting even more, that she forgot this beautiful last speech for her.


Sunday, March 26, 2017

Life is funnier in your mid 20s

Remember when someone told you,
If someone love you,  they'll wait for you?
Well, in case that you had passed 25 years old,
This statement is invalid.
At this age,  most of them are just desperately want to get married.
As I aged,  I've seen failing marriage as much as  I saw a high school lover end up with a marriage.
It's a lot.
That is what I guess the aftermath of those 'bercinta lepas nikah'  campaign around my teen years and early 20s.
I know it sounds harsh.
It's true.
I read somewhere that the reason why they easily get into divorce is because how easy it was to get marry that the marriage did not give them a value that they feel the need for the marriage to be protected.
Even around a group of friends there are some of them that are in a verge of divorce and it ended up terribly.

As I age, all this relationship and marriage is a huge issue for myself and people around me.
I've been asked about this question for numerous time that I've lost count,
and I don't even have the answer for this.
And as I aged, I met a lot of people and that include guys too.
From the thing that I experiences, it get funnier in a mean way sometimes.

I've met a guy who already have a girlfriend but still flirting with me, bought me food when I work at night, praising me and keep comparing me with his girlfriend. Then, I make it clear and create those wall, Alhamdulillah I heard he's married to his girlfriend last month.
I've met a guy who at first did not have a girlfriend, keep calling me in the middle of the night, flirt around, calling me sweet names and give me hope, sharing dreams, hobby and etc, but the next thing he went on a trip with his new girlfriend and they are happy together and I no longer hear from him.
Maybe, I just met the one that are not serious and just playing games with me.

I have met the serious guy.
This is the person that I feel terribly sorry for. He was really serious on marrying me, he even told my mom about it. He approached me well but unfortunately I wasn't ready. It's too fast and I felt that I just couldn't accept him. I rejected him and I know he was really hurt on what I did for him. Months and months that I really feel terribly sorry for him, as if I gave him hopes but then I totally can't go on. There are certain reasons that I just couldn't explain why I rejected him. Something about feeling comfortable and acceptation. However, I heard that he was engaged this month. 
This is what I found funny. It's silly to think it's funny but something about jodoh and fate is often twisted and surprising. This man that approach me exactly a year ago, are engaged within a year afterwards, sound funny for me. No, don't get me wrong but something about feeling is incredible. You can love another person early this month and the next few months if it is fated, you'll fall for another.
This is the funnier thing that I realize in my mid 20's.
Tell me, how marriage is a wonderful thing that you can still in love with that person for as long as you could. And you will fall out of love for a moment but in a marriage you will keep coming back and nourish that love again and again to keep going.
That is how I learn and understand about love.
And that is what I realized the funnier thing about people and love.
You'll fall in and out of love and you keep searching for love.
For me, every time a person approach me, there are part of me that feels floating but reality keep my feet on the ground.
I can't hurt another person for the love that I want because somehow I came to understand that hurtful feeling so well.
And for this funny thing that happening to me, somehow I feel really afraid to know a person, as I have told the stories on those guy that I met, all of them are either meeting another girl at the same time or moving on too fast.
These are the funny thing that somehow scared me.
Oh Allah, please guide me to the one that was meant for me.

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