tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11506193483926649382024-03-06T16:27:11.597+08:00★recipe of my life★ITS A STORY ON HOW I CREATE MY OWN RECIPE OF LIFEcik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.comBlogger383125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-64242227377887042572021-07-06T15:57:00.003+08:002021-09-30T12:23:27.203+08:00Pindah<p> Assalamualaikum.</p><p>18 December 2020 at 7pm.</p><p>I was chilling after maghrib prayer in the living room.</p><p>Suddenly I felt like checking the Semakan Kerjaya KKM page and THERE IT WAS!</p><p>"Semakan Keputusan Mesyuarat Jawatankuasa Penempatan dan Pertukaran Pegawai Farmasi Gred UF41-UF54 Bil. 4 Tahun 2020"</p><p>and...........</p><p>ALHAMDULILLAH! ALLAHUAKBAR!</p><p>Finally this is my time. Allah has granted my prayer.</p><p>I asked Allah everyday; </p><p>" Ya Allah, apabila tiba saat yang kau izinkan, kau tempatkan aku di tempat yang baik untuk kerjayaku, tempat yang baik untuk hubungan kami suami isteri dan untuk kami membina keluarga kami. Sesungguhnya engkau mengetahui sedangkan kami tidak mengetahui"</p><p>and Allah listened! Alhamdulillah!</p><p>Despite the fact that I am happy for this wonderful news, I am sad to leave this home that shelter me for the past 4 years.</p><p>I do feel sad to leave these people who have been here with me and help me while I am all alone here.</p><p>and definitely I'll be missing my cats.</p><p>but life goes on.</p><p><i>Bertemu dan berpisah adat manusia biasa. Hilang dimata, tapi dihati tidak lupa.</i></p><p>I packed my stuff by myself because at that time Covid cases in Sabah are extremely high. Going in and out of Sabah were difficult because for each journey requires swab test. </p><p>Two weeks before my last day in Hospital Tenom, only then I told my staff (ofcourse all the PF and boss know). 1 year in Outpatient Pharmacy and 3 years in Inpatient Pharmacy. I grew attached to this place. I hope that whatever SOPs and guideline that I created with the team in Tenom will bring benefit for those I left behind. Leaving this place in the middle of the war against this Covid Pandemic while I was the pharmacist incharge of PKRC, I hope I have served my best.</p><p>There were few extra steps that I need to take to move during movement control order. Before this we have our colleagues and friends to send to to the airport but not during MCO. I have to move alone. Three hours journey from Tenom- Kota Kinabalu were filled with tears and memories. I can't believe that was my last journey across Crocker Range. I still remember crossing the banjaran as early as 5am. It was pitch black with no other car around. It was one of the memorable journey thru three roadblocks.</p><p>This was a memorable journey through a period of my career life.</p><p>I'm glad to serve this place, <i>Negeri di bawah bayu. </i></p><p>For all the experiences I had with everyone in Sabah. I'm grateful and thankful.</p><p>My friends in Tawau and Tenom.\</p><p>Doctors and colleagues that came and go.</p><p>My landlord that treat me like their own family.</p><p>One day, we'll meet again. InsyaAllah</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-14293060001847021422020-06-21T21:39:00.002+08:002020-12-29T12:02:16.746+08:00RinduAssalamualaikum.<br />
It’s 2020.<br />
In fact it’s June 2020. Its already half a year.<br />
Not a great year btw.<br />
We were hit by a pandemic, Covid-19.<br />
Malaysia was under Movement Control Order.<br />
No flights in or out of Sabah.<br />
Which is very difficult for married couples like us who were separated and in a Long Distance Relationship.<br />
In such way, we all dealt with loneliness and missing each other differently.<br />
When I miss him, I tend to be clingy.<br />
But when he misses me, he tend to be sad.<br />
Every relationship has their own ups and downs.<br />
This is our struggle.<br />
At time, it felt so difficult that I felt like leaving everything and be with him.<br />
Allah knows what is best for us.<br />
At time, I am helpless.<br />
I don’t know what to do.<br />
All I can say was Ya Allah, help me. Help us.<br />
I wish that I could transfer home sooner.<br />
Allahumma Amin.cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-41305458502797928252019-06-30T11:46:00.001+08:002019-06-30T11:46:56.551+08:00A Man With A Bigger Hands<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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assalamualaikum...</div>
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24.<br />
I am 24 this year,<br />
I keep on reminding myself about this.<br />
Often that I forgot I'm 24.<br />
This year, I don't get the 'bila nak kahwin' question frequently,<br />
instead I get asked by my dad.<br />
Yup, Abah yang tanya and honestly I dont have the answer for that.<br />
I have one answer that I wont tell it out loud.<br />
I will marry a person that will love me more than Abah could love me.<br />
And by doing so, he must knew how Abah's love me.<br />
I had enough of people judging me from the outside,<br />
from my look, my house, my personal background, where I work, how much I earn and etc.<br />
I am independent,<br />
I afford to have everything.<br />
Stop judging me from all that.<br />
...........................................................<br />
<br />
This has been in my draft with other 32 posts that I wrote but never publish for several reasons.<br />
I wrote this on August 2015.<br />
Now, I found that man with a bigger hand.<br />
He never stop me from being a bigger persons.<br />
He encourage me to be better,<br />
and he loves me as much as my parents did.<br />
His family love me as much, and I am grateful for that.<br />
Thank You Amirul Afif,<br />
for loving me.cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-60552835167947534582018-11-28T21:16:00.000+08:002018-11-28T21:18:05.372+08:00EngagedAssalamualaikum.<br />
<br />
It has been awhile.<br />
A long time to be exact.<br />
I miss this blog.<br />
I miss writing.<br />
A lot has happened.<br />
A beautiful journey and a wonderful soul.<br />
I am 27 now.<br />
Engaged and about to get married. InsyaAllah.<br />
<br />
<br />
I couldn't believe it myself.<br />
Afterall, Allah knows best.<br />
Alhamdulillah for everything and all the things.<br />
Couldn't praise Allah enough for what happened in my life now.<br />
When you have experienced sadness,<br />
Happiness felt so expensive and priceless.<br />
You cherished it more, you care for it more.<br />
A wonderful soul that came to me and bring out the best he could bring,<br />
A wonderful soul that make a storm in me go,<br />
Leaving a calm and beautiful flower in my heart.<br />
He ain't romantic, he is all firm and realistic.<br />
But he made me trust and believe again.<br />
A wonderful soul, that proposed me with this words,<br />
'let us be friend then, boleh?'<br />
A wonderful soul that once lived in my childhood, my teenage year and my adulthood.<br />
Let he then be my past, present and future.<br />
And let him be my here and thereafter.<br />
For him who teach me to love without having to said it,<br />
And yet proving it is meaningful and full of responsibilities.<br />
A beautiful soul that makes me feel important,<br />
I love you.<br />
You mean the world to me too.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-37858373551275533642017-11-09T19:35:00.000+08:002017-11-09T19:35:27.971+08:00A step out of fearAntara ribuan kali doa yang di tabur<br />
pada setiap timbunan awan<br />
serta pada setiap landasan di serata pelusuk bumi,<br />
pabila akhirnya Allah memakbulkan ia satu persatu<br />
tiada kata yang mampu ku ucap<br />
hanya air mata dan syukur pada Ilahi tidak putus lahir dari hati<br />
Perasaan itu tidak mampu diungkai dengan perkataan<br />
Memulakan itu tidak mudah bilamana ia pernah parah<br />
Namun kali ini ia sangat berbeza<br />
Pada sebuah doa,<br />
Ya Rabb, bukakanlah hatiku hanya pada yang telah kau ciptakan untukku,<br />
Dan Dia menjadikanku seorang wanita yang tidak mudah jatuh cinta lagi,<br />
seorang yang dikatakan terlalu selesa berdikari sehingga terlalu memilih.<br />
Bukan terlalu memilih, tetapi hati dan perasaan ini tidak mampu menerima,<br />
tidak mampu untuk aku terangkan.<br />
<br />
pada sebuah doa,<br />
Ya Rabb, pertemukanlah aku dengan jodohku,<br />
maka pertemuan itu telah lama terjadi.<br />
<br />
Ya Rabb, jika dia ada disekelilingku, maka kau lorongkanlah dia untuk mendekat dengan ku<br />
Dan Dia melorongkan jalan untuk dia menegurku dan mengenalku.<br />
<br />
Ya Rabb, buka kanlah hatinya untuk melihatku.<br />
Dan Dia membukakan pintu hati kami untuk menerima satu sama lain.<br />
Indahnya perancangan Tuhan pada sesuatu yang telah lama terjadi.<br />
Kun FayaKun.<br />
Allah yang memegang hati kami dan Allah yang berhak membolak-balikkan perasaan kami.<br />
Maka peliharalah kami ya Rabb<br />
<br />
Pada doa-doa ini ya Rabb, ampunkan hambamu yang berdosa.<br />
Sedangkan dosa-dosaku menimbun tinggi namun masih kau tetap Kau perkenankan permintaanku satu persatu.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-19226503947567286972017-10-08T15:40:00.001+08:002017-10-08T15:40:39.796+08:00Pulang<span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tak usahlah kau risau pasal ku
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ku tahu kau mahu kejar impianmu
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Aku tahu kau ingin mencari diri
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tempat jauh dari sini
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Memang jauh, Belum apa sudah rindu
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Belum apa jadi ku dah tunggu dua minggu
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Walaupun kau tiada di sisiku
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Fikiranku semua tentang "to be with you".</span><br />
<span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ku rasakan kau dan aku semakin jauh
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Terpisah sementara ku rasa bertahun
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cukupkah cinta dan janji tanpa jasad menemani
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kekalutan dunia buat aku terlupa
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kehidupan mencuri masa dari kita.
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Biar ku pulang
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ke pangkuanmu
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jadi yang terbaik
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hanya untukmu
</span><br />
<div style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" allowtransparency="" class="i-amphtml-fill-content" data-amp-3p-sentinel="1-29635249604126100991" frameborder="0" height="1" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" name="{"width":300,"height":1,"_context":{"ampcontextVersion":"1506977814714","ampcontextFilepath":"https://3p.ampproject.net/1506977814714/ampcontext-v0.js","sourceUrl":"https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Yuna-feat-SonaOne/Pulang/amp?usqp=mq331AQCCAE%3D#origin=https://www.google.com&dialog=0&cid=1&prerenderSize=1&visibilityState=visible&paddingTop=54&history=1&p2r=0&horizontalScrolling=0&csi=0&signin=0&storage=1&viewerUrl=https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Yuna-feat-SonaOne/Pulang/amp&cap=swipe,navigateTo,fragment,handshakepoll,cid","referrer":"https://www.google.com/","canonicalUrl":"https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Yuna-feat-SonaOne/Pulang","pageViewId":"6530","location":{"href":"https://www-musixmatch-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Yuna-feat-SonaOne/Pulang/amp?usqp=mq331AQCCAE%3D&amp_js_v=0.1#origin=https://www.google.com&dialog=0&cid=1&prerenderSize=1&visibilityState=visible&paddingTop=54&history=1&p2r=0&horizontalScrolling=0&csi=0&signin=0&storage=1&viewerUrl=https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Yuna-feat-SonaOne/Pulang/amp&cap=swipe,navigateTo,fragment,handshakepoll,cid"},"startTime":1507447974703,"tagName":"AMP-AD","mode":{"localDev":false,"development":false,"minified":true,"lite":false,"test":false,"version":"1506977814714","rtvVersion":"011506977814714"},"canary":false,"hidden":false,"initialLayoutRect":{"left":20,"top":1656,"width":320,"height":1},"initialIntersection":{"time":3555.4500000000003,"rootBounds":{"left":0,"top":0,"width":360,"height":532,"bottom":532,"right":360,"x":0,"y":0},"boundingClientRect":{"left":20,"top":1282,"width":320,"height":1,"bottom":1283,"right":340,"x":20,"y":1282},"intersectionRect":{"left":0,"top":0,"width":0,"height":0,"bottom":0,"right":0,"x":0,"y":0},"intersectionRatio":0},"domFingerprint":"1892986269","experimentToggles":{"canary":false,"expAdsenseA4A":false,"expDoubleclickA4A":false,"expDfpCanonicalFf":false,"dbclk_a4a_viz_change":false,"a4aProfilingRate":false,"ad-type-custom":true,"ios-embed-wrapper":true,"amp-apester-media":true,"amp-playbuzz":true,"chunked-amp":true,"sticky-ad-early-load":true,"amp-auto-ads":true,"amp-auto-ads-adsense-holdout":false,"slidescroll-disable-css-snap":true,"version-locking":true,"visibility-v3":true,"a4aFastFetchDoubleclickLaunched":false,"a4aFastFetchAdSenseLaunched":false,"a4a-new-signature-verifier":true,"pump-early-frame":true,"a4a-measure-get-ad-urls":false,"ad-loader-v2":true,"3p-use-ampcontext":false,"amp-animation":true,"amp-sidebar toolbar":true,"amp-position-observer":true},"sentinel":"1-29635249604126100991"}}" scrolling="no" src="https://securepubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/ads?iu=%2F154438701%2Famp_outofpage_musixmatch_mobile_lyrics&adk=3412213883&sz=300x1&ifi=3&adf=1892986269&nhd=1&eid=21060935&adx=20&ady=1656&oid=2&gdfp_req=1&sfv=1-0-13&u_sd=3&impl=ifr&is_amp=3&amp_v=1506977814714&d_imp=1&c=383675006530&dt=1507447972710&output=html&biw=360&bih=532&u_aw=360&u_ah=640&u_cd=32&u_w=360&u_h=640&u_tz=480&u_his=5&isw=360&ish=532&vis=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.musixmatch.com%2Flyrics%2FYuna-feat-SonaOne%2FPulang&top=www.google.com&loc=https%3A%2F%2Fwww-musixmatch-com.cdn.ampproject.org%2Fv%2Fs%2Fwww.musixmatch.com%2Flyrics%2FYuna-feat-SonaOne%2FPulang%2Famp%3Fusqp%3Dmq331AQCCAE%253D%26amp_js_v%3D0.1%23origin%3Dhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%26dialog%3D0%26cid%3D1%26prerenderSize%3D1%26visibilityState%3Dvisible%26paddingTop%3D54%26history%3D1%26p2r%3D0%26horizontalScrolling%3D0%26csi%3D0%26signin%3D0%26storage%3D1%26viewerUrl%3Dhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2Famp%2Fs%2Fwww.musixmatch.com%2Flyrics%2FYuna-feat-SonaOne%2FPulang%2Famp%26cap%3Dswipe%2CnavigateTo%2Cfragment%2Chandshakepoll%2Ccid&ref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&dtd=373&__amp_source_origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.musixmatch.com" style="border-style: initial !important; border-width: 0px !important; bottom: 0px; display: block; height: 1px; left: 0px; margin: auto; max-height: 100%; max-width: 100%; min-height: 0px; min-width: 0px; padding: 0px !important; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: 0px; transform: translate(-50%, -50%); width: 300px;" width="300"></iframe></amp-ad>Biar ku pulang.
</div>
<span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tak usahlah kau risau pasal ku
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ku tahu kau mahu kejar impianmu
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Aku tahu kau ingin mencari diri
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tempat jauh dari sini
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Memang jauh, hey di seberang laut
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meskipun kau jauh penggilanmu kan ku sahut
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Walaupun kau tiada di sisiku
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kau buat ku bangga seperti ku di situ.
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Apabila aku pergi dengar sini aku janji
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kan aku pulang bila engkau panggil
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ku terus menunggu di sini masih Menghitung hari
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hingga kau tergerak hati untuk kembali Jadi.
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Biar ku pulang
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ke pangkuanmu
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jadi yang terbaik
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hanya untukmu
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Biar ku pulang.
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Pulang
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Biar ku pulang.
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ku terus menunggu di sini masih Menghitung hari
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hingga kau tergerak hati untuk kembali Jadi.
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Biar ku pulang
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ke pangkuanmu
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jadi yang terbaik
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hanya untukmu
</span><span style="color: #2c3e50; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Biar ku pulang .</span><br />
...........<br />
When everyone questioning me Why I am still here, so far away from home,<br />
You are the only one who tell me it's okay,<br />
Come back when I am ready and you will be there when I'm back.<br />
I am grateful for having you now.<br />
I am thankful to Allah for reuniting us again.<br />
Allah is indeed prepared us a very beautiful path.<br />
Hoping that Allah bless this friendship towards a better ending.<br />
Ameen.cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-62124521838934471392017-08-24T20:26:00.000+08:002017-08-24T20:30:25.092+08:00"Love you"How this two words just changed my whole day.<br />
<div>
Disturbed. Dumbfounded.</div>
<div>
Emotionally detached.</div>
<div>
I am not sure how I feel at that time when I hear that on the phone.</div>
<div>
I am quite sure that it is just a teasing,</div>
<div>
a measure of joking,</div>
<div>
but I just stare at the phone and then hang it down.</div>
<div>
Let me break this down:</div>
<div>
a) we are not even close enough to joke around like that.</div>
<div>
b) how easy it is to say this word.</div>
<div>
c) That is a very sensitive line.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That is the most expensive word that I just couldn't simply say,</div>
<div>
and hearing it said to me, I just have a mix feeling about it.</div>
<div>
Second after I hear that, my head ache so much that I have to take a Tab of Stemetil.</div>
<div>
And yet, I am still couldn't even digest what has been said to me just now.</div>
<div>
The conversation from A-Z was repeating in my head.<br />
Probably I am definitely a Philophobic and now it has gotten worse.<br />
All this symptoms are very suggestive.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
It is difficult to process this in my brain right now,</div>
<div>
and even words did not flow smoothly as I write this.</div>
<div>
I just wish I never hear it earlier this morning.</div>
cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-23466637710071979422017-08-06T20:27:00.001+08:002017-08-06T20:28:10.056+08:00how mid twenties makes me feel pathetic.Assalamualaikum.<br />
I am not sure how am I supposed to write this up.<br />
Mid twenties sure are tiring and frustrating.<br />
Probably while I'm writing this, it is the time of the month.<br />
It is very emotional to go through all this.<br />
I love my life and myself.<br />
I am happy for what I am and I am grateful for what He had given to me.<br />
All this rizq, this life, I am very blessed with everything.<br />
I have a smooth ride all this while.<br />
I am not that wealthy, but we have enough of everything,<br />
I am not really smart but Alhamdulillah, I have a good career and I love my job.<br />
I am not that pretty, but I love to look descent and presentable,<br />
I am not that kind, but I tried to be nice and practice what Islam teach me,<br />
I am not above average, I am just average and I am blessed for that.<br />
But all of this, people still think that I am more than perfect.<br />
This perfect-ness, made them questioned me on that one thing that I don't have,<br />
marriage, relationship, man.<br />
Yes, despite all that I have, this are the thing that I don't have.<br />
Honestly, I am almost give up on this.<br />
I'm just 25 years going to 26 years old, I know, giving up is too early.<br />
My surroundings that separated me with a creature named Male make relationship almost impossible.<br />
I live in a city so far away from home, which most colleague are married and non-muslim.<br />
AND, most of my colleagues are female.<br />
All my life, I am surrounded by female, I can count my male friends in my contacts,<br />
It felt like Allah is somehow protecting me from this species. I don't know but yeah.<br />
owh, back to the marriage thingy, I never felt that the matter was a burden for me.<br />
My parents did concern about this matter but they never push me for it,<br />
They know that jodoh is something that is beyond us.<br />
We can't force jodoh.<br />
But this matter concern me recently when my cousins started to get married, engaged and bringing their partners to our family events.<br />
No, it's not that their relationship and marriage bothering me but their thoughts on me and the thought of my closed relative towards me that make me feel bothered.<br />
Just one thing that I asked from them is:<br />
Marriage is a beautiful news, why would you worry on what I would feel. Ofcourse, I am happy for you guys. This is what I truly felt second after I heard about the news eventhough I am the last person who knew about it. Marry when you are ready and you don't have to wait for anybody for your own marriage.<br />
" Diorang tak nak kau terasa."<br />
This is what makes me feel pathetic.<br />
I am hurt by this statement.<br />
I am silenced by this.<br />
That happen in a car, and I took my pillow pretending to sleep but I'm not.<br />
All the way, I pretend to sleep with my pillow soaking wet.<br />
I heard that the topic has move on,<br />
suddenly Abah asked me this,<br />
" Nurul, manusia mana yang paling berat diuji Allah?"<br />
That question blow my mind, and I said, " Nabi"<br />
"Yup, Nabi dan Rasul. Allah uji bersesuaian dengan tahap keimanan seseorang"<br />
I am speechless again and I took my pillow and cover my face again and Abah changed his conversation.<br />
............................<br />
I don't questioned Allah for the things that I don't get.<br />
He knows how much I prayed for it,<br />
and how much I tried,<br />
how much I try to make friends with people,<br />
but somehow I know that when the time is right and if He permit it, it will happen somedays.<br />
But if it is not meant for me,<br />
I know He have a better plan for me.<br />
I just hope that people could stop making me feel pathetic and sympathize me for something that is beyond my control.<br />
Allah menguji titik paling lemah aku,<br />
and yes, siapa yang tak nak ada pasangan.<br />
I just don't make it such a big deal.<br />
Kalau Allah nak bagi, Allah bagi.<br />
Satu lagi, berkeluarga juga salah satu rezeki dan nikmat Allah nak bagi,<br />
jadi syukurlah pada nikmat yang Allah nak bagi atau tak nak bagi.<br />
This could be a blessing in disguise.<br />
As I usually say, Sabar itu mudah, syukur itu payah.<br />
Pada nikmat yang Allah belum bagi, tak bagi tu, sabar itu mudah,<br />
tapi pada setiap nikmat yang Allah dah bagi dan bagi tanpa kita sedar, nak bersyukur tu susah.<br />
I want to learn to be grateful for everything that I have.<br />
Alhamdulillah.<br />
Therefore, do not feel burden by what you have that I don't. I am glad that you were given that nikmat that I am not yet given. Whatever it is, count your blessing, I prayed for all of your happiness sincerely as your family and closed members. If you are concerned about me, put me on your prayers too and let Him blessed me with your love. I am forever grateful for that. Only Allah can pay for your thoughts and kindness. Semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan dunia dan akhirat. Selamat melangkah ke alam perkahwinan dan diberikan barakah, sakinah dan mawaddah. Amin.cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-26017295093229467732017-05-20T19:49:00.000+08:002017-05-20T19:49:52.298+08:00PictureAssalamualaikum.<br />
Is a picture is just a picture?<br />
Every single picture has a memory behind it<br />
The only person who knew about it are the person inside of the picture and person behind that picture<br />
Even if that picture is just a picture of one person posing nicely<br />
It takes a memory of more than one person<br />
That is how precious a picture is<br />
It hold a memory lasting forever<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTyDwtkVxUoQks9odGBIMQPjxc9XkWyRGplOAEJ0gjJ4vVcnHF2xAA7UDUlgb7-ekWLkhOQnT0_8skd94YqgIlBCYqJR67V4IUufgWGgYRJuokD9gYuR-gSUgwsnMTaqllAO5MnBUzpZqb/s1600/DSC02755.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTyDwtkVxUoQks9odGBIMQPjxc9XkWyRGplOAEJ0gjJ4vVcnHF2xAA7UDUlgb7-ekWLkhOQnT0_8skd94YqgIlBCYqJR67V4IUufgWGgYRJuokD9gYuR-gSUgwsnMTaqllAO5MnBUzpZqb/s1600/DSC02755.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
This picture hold so many stories.<br />
Behind it was a girl that stand up tall besides a person who shattered her heart.<br />
She capture this because deep down she knew it was their last memory together.<br />
<div>
She remember everything that was said to her at that moment.</div>
<div>
"Thanks for today, for waiting, for all this time and for... Everything"</div>
<div>
And she cries because the time is up.</div>
<div>
It should've ended at that moment. If only the other person was courage enough.</div>
<div>
Unfortunately she was hurt by the false hope and was hurting even more, that she forgot this beautiful last speech for her.</div>
<div>
<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0Sunway Pyramid Shopping Mall, 3, Jalan PJS 11/15, Bandar Sunway, 47500 Petaling Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia3.0730977 101.6077871-22.4489368 60.2991931 28.595132200000002 142.9163811tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-23320822263189328852017-03-26T13:27:00.003+08:002017-03-26T13:36:43.215+08:00Life is funnier in your mid 20s<div dir="ltr">
Remember when someone told you, <br />
If someone love you, they'll wait for you?<br />
Well, in case that you had passed 25 years old, <br />
This statement is invalid. <br />
At this age, most of them are just desperately want to get married. <br />
As I aged, I've seen failing marriage as much as I saw a high school lover end up with a marriage.<br />
It's a lot.<br />
That is what I guess the aftermath of those 'bercinta lepas nikah' campaign around my teen years and early 20s.<br />
I know it sounds harsh. <br />
It's true. <br />
I read somewhere that the reason why they easily get into divorce is because how easy it was to get marry that the marriage did not give them a value that they feel the need for the marriage to be protected.<br />
Even around a group of friends there are some of them that are in a verge of divorce and it ended up terribly.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br />
As I age, all this relationship and marriage is a huge issue for myself and people around me.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
I've been asked about this question for numerous time that I've lost count,</div>
<div dir="ltr">
and I don't even have the answer for this.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
And as I aged, I met a lot of people and that include guys too.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
From the thing that I experiences, it get funnier in a mean way sometimes.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br />
I've met a guy who already have a girlfriend but still flirting with me, bought me food when I work at night, praising me and keep comparing me with his girlfriend. Then, I make it clear and create those wall, Alhamdulillah I heard he's married to his girlfriend last month.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
I've met a guy who at first did not have a girlfriend, keep calling me in the middle of the night, flirt around, calling me sweet names and give me hope, sharing dreams, hobby and etc, but the next thing he went on a trip with his new girlfriend and they are happy together and I no longer hear from him.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
Maybe, I just met the one that are not serious and just playing games with me.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br />
I have met the serious guy.<br />
This is the person that I feel terribly sorry for. He was really serious on marrying me, he even told my mom about it. He approached me well but unfortunately I wasn't ready. It's too fast and I felt that I just couldn't accept him. I rejected him and I know he was really hurt on what I did for him. Months and months that I really feel terribly sorry for him, as if I gave him hopes but then I totally can't go on. There are certain reasons that I just couldn't explain why I rejected him. Something about feeling comfortable and acceptation. However, I heard that he was engaged this month. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
This is what I found funny. It's silly to think it's funny but something about jodoh and fate is often twisted and surprising. This man that approach me exactly a year ago, are engaged within a year afterwards, sound funny for me. No, don't get me wrong but something about feeling is incredible. You can love another person early this month and the next few months if it is fated, you'll fall for another.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
This is the funnier thing that I realize in my mid 20's.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
Tell me, how marriage is a wonderful thing that you can still in love with that person for as long as you could. And you will fall out of love for a moment but in a marriage you will keep coming back and nourish that love again and again to keep going.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
That is how I learn and understand about love.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
And that is what I realized the funnier thing about people and love.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
You'll fall in and out of love and you keep searching for love.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
For me, every time a person approach me, there are part of me that feels floating but reality keep my feet on the ground.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
I can't hurt another person for the love that I want because somehow I came to understand that hurtful feeling so well.<br />
And for this funny thing that happening to me, somehow I feel really afraid to know a person, as I have told the stories on those guy that I met, all of them are either meeting another girl at the same time or moving on too fast.<br />
These are the funny thing that somehow scared me.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
Oh Allah, please guide me to the one that was meant for me.</div>
cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-70914273107444647252016-12-14T20:06:00.001+08:002017-02-05T10:41:08.348+08:00Do you remember.<p dir="ltr">Assalamualaikum.<br>
Everything was so fast.<br>
I am no longer a teenager who started this blog to engraves all my memories here.<br>
So much had happened.<br>
I'm an adult now.<br>
I'm working, living far away from my family,<br>
paying my bills and managing my own life.<br>
Few months back,<br>
I read about a celebrity couple that are getting divorce.<br>
Farah Lee and Ally Iskandar. <br>
It actually give a slight impact on me,  because back then he was my Ally. <br>
Other than that,  it often saddened me to see couple that look so good together decided to broke off. <br>
Well, that's how life is. Nothing is permanent. <br>
Back to my story, <br>
I am no longer in Tawau, Sabah. <br>
Yet, I am still far away from home and it is farther now than before. <br>
I have to take 2hours ride to the nearest airport before flying another 2.5 hours to KL. <br>
I live in an actual village. <br>
Just a small cozy house. I really love this house. <br>
It only have two rooms, a bathroom and small kitchen for myself. <br>
My parents came here two weeks ago and they filled my house with all my needs. <br>
Thus, it really feels like home. <br>
I remembered back then, someone asked me if I could live in a village instead of a city. <br>
I am an uptown girl. <br>
I was living in Shah Alam all my life and even my hometown is only 20mins away from Shah Alam. <br>
But I proved him wrong. <br>
I am that girl that could adapt well, in whatever situation. <br>
I proved my self-worth.<br>
I am ready to forgive but forgetting is a harder fight. <br>
I saw the years you counted with her. It wasn't the same calculation that I had in my mind. <br>
I counted 3 years since my heart was shattered but the love you created with her has already been 4 years. <br>
I wonder were we living in a different time zone. <br>
That is somehow what made the memories left still painful.<br>
I still don't know which one is real and which one is not.<br>
I am no longer mad nor angry with you. <br>
I just can't forgive the wrong things you did, and yet I remembered the good things you had. <br>
However, you were a person I used to know. <br>
3 years had passed,  how would I judge the person you are now. <br>
I no longer know you. <br>
And you no longer know me. <br>
But I know you are happy,<br>
And I know I am happier now than before. <br>
But I will never know when will I learn to open my heart and will there be someone that will ever gain my heart ever again. <br>
If you ever read this, please keep me in your prayer. <br>
I could not imagine what will happen if we are ever to meet again. <br>
That's a reason why I'm glad I'm far away from both of you. <br>
I'm coming back one day and that fine day,  I still hope we will never meet again. <br>
I hope our fate ended back then in 2014,<br>
The day that I <u>sent</u> you home hoping that you give me a last glance through my rear mirror but you never did. </p>
cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-35717789358963784392016-11-10T22:43:00.002+08:002016-11-10T22:43:34.166+08:00Submission.Assalamualaikum..<br />
It's been a while.<br />
A lot has happened,<br />
I am still here in Sabah.<br />
As I've finished my PRP and waiting for my placement,<br />
everyone keep asking me, "are you coming back to Semenanjung? Where did you choose for your next placement?"<br />
And at first my answer was "still Sabah"<br />
Both of my parents have a very different opinion towards each other.<br />
Umi wants me to be back at Selangor *specifically Selangor*<br />
and Abah know that I still want to stay here do think that it is still a good choice.<br />
Therefore, on the day that I filled the placement form, I was contemplating but I wrote a very spontaneous decision.<br />
I choose Selangor as my first choice instead of filling the name of hospitals in Sabah.<br />
I did it for my parents.<br />
There are one time when I went back home,<br />
out of no where when we were discussing about Sabah,<br />
Abah said to me " Kak Nurul bawak diri kan kat Sabah?"<br />
I am all recovered but I have to agree that one of the reason why I am here because I need to heal.<br />
Atleast I am so far away from everything that wound and hurt me.<br />
And afterall I am recovered.<br />
Thus, I put Selangor as my first choice.<br />
I love it here but I don't really belong here.<br />
I belong with my family.<br />
However, I dont even know if I am ready to go back.<br />
Later on, I did what I did best,<br />
I rely it to Allah. He knows best.<br />
If it was meant to be, if it was the perfect timing for me to go back home, than it is time to be back home or even Semenanjung.<br />
And wherever I go and wherever He put me, it is always because He know I could do it.<br />
Everything happened for a reason and He will always have a reason to put me where I am and where will I be at.<br />
<br />cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-86957019048354736362016-08-18T00:26:00.000+08:002016-08-18T00:26:02.772+08:00ThantophobicThat one day,<br />
That one friend asked me on something that happened around us,<br />
She asked me,<br />
"You observed all that and why you keep it all by yourself?<br />
We are all so closed that I thought we are open to discuss on anything that hurt us.."<br />
Thing about me, I am really honest about my feeling,<br />
I never lie if you asked me about it,<br />
but I will never be the first person to tell about it to you.<br />
Especially when things upset me and it hurt me too much.<br />
And I told her,<br />
" It is not that I never tell, but no one ever take it seriously. Afterall, I can't force people to love me. Furthermore, I'm leaving soon. Everything will be better"<br />
" You shouldn't kept it by yourself. Poor you. I thought you didn't realize anything or you never cared about it. Express yourself. Please."<br />
" It is just me. Let it go. It already happened."<br />
" Seriously, tell us how you feel. I thought we can talk about anything"<br />
" This is what I am. There are two kind of people that will never leave me, my family and my bestfriends. And things are always like this for me. I was never that person that everyone would look into first and after some times, everyone will just leave. It happened a lot of time before. Things are going on so great and suddenly poof, everything's gone. Like what I said, I can't force people to stay.<br />
" Please, don't think like that."<br />
"I'm leaving soon. It all will be better and I will always start over again"<br />
" That is the reason why you have problem with commitment and that is why you are comfortable with someone that did not give you commitment."<br />
"Maybe"<br />
"It's okay but next time, tell me, tell us aout everything.It's okay. We'll be there."<br />
.........<br />
but she never really opened up herself to them.<br />
Caused she know sooner or later, we are all gonna leave.cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-81795668096952624732016-07-11T21:32:00.001+08:002016-07-11T21:42:56.585+08:00broke meI always win in every area of life,<br />
A good family,<br />
A good friend,<br />
A good education,<br />
A good job,<br />
A good surroundings,<br />
*Alhamdulillah*<br />
I win in everything if all that is considered winning except love.<br />
And I always lose to another women.<br />
Always.<br />
....................<br />
<br />
I broke my own heart,<br />
for a hope that is hopeless,<br />
for something that never begin<br />
and something that is never intended,<br />
how random everything happened,<br />
that my mistake was to fall,<br />
to the only person that able to make me feel again,<br />
to a person that could bring back the warm feeling of care,<br />
to smile just when I saw his name on the screen,<br />
to just want to share a good movie I just watch,<br />
and just to have a random conversation on anything,<br />
to understand his hobbies and why he love it,<br />
to just want to say something even if he never reply,<br />
And to just pray to Him whenever I terribly miss that person.<br />
The fact that he's happy with someone that is not me,<br />
it broke me,<br />
and ofcourse it makes me cry.<br />
but yet, I hope he's happy.<br />
And again, I always know when to leave,<br />
and when I leave, I know I'll never come back.<br />
One thing for sure,<br />
each time I leave, I'll never be the same person again.<br />
And it often leave a scar on my heart,<br />
a reminder that I am always difficult to love.<br />
<br />cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-33500790797015397212016-06-06T22:01:00.000+08:002016-06-06T22:01:20.795+08:00FallingOf all people in this world,<br />
Of all people i've met,<br />
It is you.<br />
For years had passed and never realize you are right infront of me.<br />
Come and disappear,<br />
But you never really go.<br />
I never really mind of your busy life,<br />
As when you came to me,<br />
I know there is smile in my face,<br />
And butterflies in my heart.<br />
I can't call this love nor relationship<br />
But<br />
Why don't you stay?<br />
I'm offering you.cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-3458288569955592222016-06-06T21:51:00.000+08:002016-06-06T21:51:12.732+08:00Tachycardic.<div dir="ltr">
That heart of mine<br />
That lost all the rhythm and songs,<br />
Suddenly start beating,<br />
And I could hear it through my ears.<br />
It was so loud,<br />
That it interferes my concentration.<br />
You are so fine.<br />
So charmingly fine.<br />
You appeared in my dreams countless of time,<br />
And yet, you are unreachable.<br />
How would a girl like me be with a man like you.</div>
cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-80660985142202273162016-05-23T21:17:00.001+08:002016-05-23T22:09:20.348+08:00For all of the hearts being broken<p dir="ltr">All this while,<br>
I was the heartbroken.<br>
I was the one getting hurt.<br>
And I was the one who were left behind.<br>
Until then, I learn,<br>
I'm the one who broke their heart.<br>
I'm really sorry for those hearts I hurt,<br>
For those love I denied,<br>
And for all proposals I refused.<br>
I thought I was ready for the next thing in life,<br>
But I learnt, I wasn't ready for love.<br>
He was a good man from a good family whom I prayed for these criteria every single day.<br>
I learnt, what I prayed for, the Almighty will always give it to me but not everything I prayed for is compatible and suitable for me.<br>
At this moment, at this stage of life.<br>
And I realized, this is not a mere love story, not even a fairytale.<br>
Life is beautiful, as its chapter unfold.<br>
I learn to accept me and my flaws and my past and everything else.<br>
I'm in love with myself and Him.<br>
For now, my prayer is to let life flows on its own.<br>
I can't force love and no one could.<br>
I've made istikharah twice (in a period of time) and lesson from it was:<br>
1. Ask Him, and He will always answer.<br>
2. The answer is in your heart and go with your instinct.<br>
3. Sometimes, the answer lies on your parents' guidance. They know you more than you know yourself.<br>
4. Never feel burden with your answer, for it came from The Almighty.<br>
5. If both of you were meant for each other, Allah will move both of their heart and not only one heart.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You can't force your instinct and heart. <br>
However, it still doesn't feel good to hurt someone.<br>
That sometimes it haunt me.<br>
I'm really sorry because I know how hurt it was.</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZUgCOJJJRtpDh9UuwPp68LhJweL2uOQvFJ3I3JPu5hL4mFzOUAp6LDGSeMpkfCOobdS7H9Wr8MTNUKVItMJDqpIrtE6am3PC1gOyCDSo5p7-6JEW4ObPL_Ztco183jwwYB7PC9DeIfX6T/s1600/IMG-20160523-WA0004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZUgCOJJJRtpDh9UuwPp68LhJweL2uOQvFJ3I3JPu5hL4mFzOUAp6LDGSeMpkfCOobdS7H9Wr8MTNUKVItMJDqpIrtE6am3PC1gOyCDSo5p7-6JEW4ObPL_Ztco183jwwYB7PC9DeIfX6T/s640/IMG-20160523-WA0004.jpg"> </a> </div>cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-2607850956177049102016-04-02T22:15:00.001+08:002016-04-03T20:53:50.340+08:00The symptoms.<p dir="ltr">Those thoughts of that special person,<br>
Spreading in my heart,<br>
It makes the heart beat so fast,<br>
Created adrenaline rush all over the body,<br>
It built butterflies flying all over the stomach<br>
And all my limbs started to feel cold for excitement,<br>
And suddenly with just one thought of the words we spoke last night,<br>
Made me smile involuntarily<br>
And I can't help but to smile and sometimes laugh all by myself.<br>
Those feeling of flying when both of our feet still hold onto the ground,<br>
And the happiness you can't resist<br>
As if it was a beautiful dream,<br>
And a wonderful gift,<br>
All these feelings and symptoms,<br>
All has long gone from me.<br>
And I'm writing it here to makes me remember,<br>
Because somehow,<br>
I almost forget this feeling. <br>
Not that I don't want to but I couldn't feel it though.<br>
And it makes me feel,<br>
Less human.</p>
cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-40801624337956520782016-01-18T21:39:00.002+08:002016-01-18T21:39:21.065+08:00FavorDon't you wanna be there again?<br />
Where?<br />
To loved and be loved?<br />
What do you mean? I am loved by others and I love them back.<br />
That's not what I mean.<br />
Then, what?<br />
To have someone that are always there for you.<br />
I already have that. My best friends and family.<br />
I mean... The other half.<br />
I won't lie, I'm searching but I'm leaving it to fate. If the time is right it will surely come to you.<br />
Did it still hurt?<br />
Maybe. But I'm cherished it. If my heart wasn't crushed, I'm not feeling this happiness that I feel right now and then. I learnt a lot and that past mistakes made me cherish my life now.<br />
Does it change u?<br />
Yes.<br />
And that's why u won't love again?<br />
Not true. It just no one really stayed. No one would prove to me that they'll stay. They just come and go and never stay. That's the reason why.<br />
Why don't you asked them to stay?<br />
Because I won't beg for anyone to stay. I won't tell them I wish they would stay. It just me. If a person would want to stay, they'll stay no matter what. It is their choice because I am always stay with those who wanna stay.<br />
<br />cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-52206767160253496542015-12-11T10:29:00.001+08:002015-12-11T16:44:35.829+08:00December<p dir="ltr">Assalamualaikum..<br>
Hey there Hidayah. <br>
I heard you're doing great. You are simply living your life. Start enjoying everything that happened around you.<br>
It's already December. You know how you feel about December. December always mean starting of something new.<br>
2015 is somehow a great year for you especially after your biggest downfall in your life. You were never that down but I believe you are a strong women. So strong that I can't even believe you are that strong. Afterall, I am proud of what you have been.<br>
Earlier this year, you had your convocation day and finally you've started working at somewhere you never imagine working but even now, you never regret coming here and as I said, you are enjoying life.<br>
Alhamdulillah.<br>
That's all I can say for you. You deserve this.<br>
To be happy again, independently.<br>
Actually not independently, you are very dependant on your family and bestfriends. They are your utmost support system. You had never appreciate them as much as you do now. You are realizing how much your family loves you, how hurt they were to see you hurting and only you know how much you love them.<br>
And now, you've find few more friends into your circle here. A friend that hold you like a family when we all are so far from our family. <br>
You are blessed and loved there and I know you are happy.<br>
You experience a lot of things these year. You met a lot of people here with so many dramas. Someone came in and out of your life. Some people were sent to test you, and made you realized on what's happening on you last year. You understand how exactly (not exactly but yeah) feelings can change and how people could fall in love with someone's belong to others. And you learn to be tough with yourselves and only accept love you think you deserves. Promise me, you'll never hurt another women with the same way you were hurt before. You made that promise and you are strong enough to fulfilled that promise.<br>
Sometimes you were still bothered on the mistakes you've done that brings to the end of your relationship. Sometimes you even have the urge to ask him about the mistakes you've done but you have learnt to forgive him and mostly yourself, although you're not even sure about him forgiving you or even himself but you hope and you know, he is happy and you are happy for that and you hope he is praying for your happiness too. Afterall, we are still part of each other happy memories once.<br>
Just when you were reminded on those day that hurt you, remember that today you are surrounded with happiness. My dear, those past had thought you to be tough and to became who you are today. You are precious, Hidayah and great things are coming your way. InsyaAllah.</p>
cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-11525323046781772552015-12-07T15:17:00.001+08:002015-12-07T21:06:31.533+08:00Chasing<p dir="ltr"><i>Aku</i><i> </i><i>berhenti</i><i> </i><i>berharap</i><br>
<i>Dan </i><i>menunggu</i><i> </i><i>datang</i><i> </i><i>gelap</i><br>
<i>Sampai</i><i> </i><i>nanti</i><i> </i><i>suatu</i><i> </i><i>saat</i><i> </i><br>
<i>Tak</i><i> ada </i><i>cinta</i><i> </i><i>ku</i><i> </i><i>d</i><i>apat</i><i>..</i></p>
<p dir="ltr">I have stop chasing<br>
What I thought was happiness<br>
I have stop chasing people<br>
Stop depending on people<br>
And mostly stop hoping.<br>
People are frustrating and hopeless.<br>
I have stop wanting people to stay<br>
And believing people will stay.<br>
I had enough of being second.<br>
Second choice, second chance.<br>
I want to be someone choice to be with.<br>
Someone's only choice.</p>
cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-75030750692898356662015-11-29T21:29:00.001+08:002015-11-29T21:29:11.368+08:00Tunggu<p dir="ltr">Sampai bila?<br>
Sampai dah sedia.<br>
Kosong.<br>
Aku faham.<br>
Aku tak sedia.<br>
Mungkin.<br>
Nanti akan tiba.<br>
Semua sama.<br>
Sampai masa ada yang akan buktikan berbeza.<br>
Sabar. <br>
Ya. Mungkin.<br>
Andai aku mampu intai masa hadapan,<br>
Tapi aku masih ingin disini,<br>
Melihat masa-masa dan detik-detik dari masa hadapan itu menjadi masa kini.<br>
Sabar dan baca cerita yang Tuhan tulis untuk kamu,<br>
Jangan hanya mahu melihat muka surat akhir.<br>
Eh, bukan muka akhir itu mati?</p>
cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-40253498657599090502015-11-24T18:05:00.001+08:002015-11-24T18:15:29.405+08:00Kuat<p dir="ltr">Tahu mengapa aku selesa begini?<br>
Sendiri dengan skandal halusinasi.<br>
Gembira hanya dengan dunia rekaan.<br>
Tanpa harapan, tanpa erti.<br>
Ya. Tanpa pengharapan.<br>
Harapan tu memusnahkan.<br>
Aku sendiri melihat musnahnya manusia yang paling aku sayang kerana harapan.<br>
Aku sendiri merasa musnahnya AKU kerna harapan.<br>
Jangan tanya aku bagaimana aku kuat.<br>
Aku. Aku.<br>
Kau. Engkau.<br>
Cuma bak kata mereka semua pada aku<br>
'Lihatlah sekelilingmu dan bukalah mata hatimu. Lihat siapa yang menyayangimu dan siapa memusnahkanmu.'<br>
Aku melihat lebih jelas dari manusia lain.<br>
Aku melihat dari sudut dulu dan sekarang.<br>
Aku melihat besarnya luka yang pernah tercipta.<br>
Bagaimana ia berdarah tanpa henti, hingga lukanya kering dan akhirnya berparut.<br>
Aku tak mahu bergantung pada manusia dan berharap kembali yang ada manusia yang mampu menghilangkan parut itu hingga bersih.<br>
Pengharapan itu permainan penipuan yang cukup tajam.<br>
Cukuplah dulu.<br>
Kalau benar mahu merawat, jangan kau sentuh luka yang lama, takut parut lama cedera kembali dan mungkin kali ini lebih besar dari dulu.</p>
cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-3830641102991033682015-11-08T19:11:00.000+08:002015-11-08T19:11:08.086+08:00Pintu Hati"Kadang-kadang, kau kena buka pintu hati kau"<br />
Itu kata mereka kepada aku.<br />
Bukan aku tak nak buka pintu hati aku,<br />
bukan aku tak beri mereka peluang,<br />
tapi aku memang tiada rasa.<br />
Semua rasa hilang.<br />
Mungkin sebab dulu pernah memberi peluang,<br />
pintu itu pernah terbuka luas,<br />
tapi segala rasa diragut dan dibawa pergi,<br />
hingga kini belum kembali.<br />
Tidak, aku tak pernah mahu kembali pada yang telah membawa segala rasa itu.<br />
Aku mahu rasa sesuatu yang refreshing.<br />
Satu rasa yang tidak pernah lagi aku rasa.<br />
Tak mahu yang dulu.<br />
<br />
"kadang-kadang, rasa itu akan hadir, pada yang pasti, pada yang asli dan bukan lagi pada yang palsu. Sabarlah, kalau ada, ada. Ia tetap akan hadir satu masa nanti"<br />
<br />
Ya, itu kata aku pada mereka.<br />
Jika kau tidak sabar melihat aku bahagia,<br />
Aku sendiri tidak sabar melihat diriku bahagia.<br />
Doakanlah.<br />
Aku juga sedang berusaha.<br />
La Hawla Wa La Quwwata Illa Billah.cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1150619348392664938.post-9198560888938200502015-10-14T22:34:00.001+08:002015-10-14T22:34:25.348+08:00MaturityAssalamualaikum..<br />
Less than a month for November.<br />
November is my favorite month.<br />
Probably because it my birth month but other than that,<br />
November is a month that feel like Home.<br />
It feels like I am where I belong.<br />
So, how's life now Hidayah?<br />
Few ups and downs,<br />
Few conflicts here and there,<br />
but right now,<br />
I'm enjoying life.<br />
I enjoy being here.<br />
Here, in Tawau, Sabah.<br />
It makes me feel like an adult.<br />
People told me, I'm mature and independent.<br />
But right now is when I myself admit that I am most mature and independent.<br />
Last week, we make a gathering at my house.<br />
We make preparation and cook for all the staffs by ourselves.<br />
How proud I feel to did this event and that feeling you get when everyone satisfied with our food,<br />
bliss and blessed.<br />
Alhamdulillah, for this life right now.<br />
I have a group of people here that love me and take care of me.<br />
These people that spend their time to hear my rant, went everywhere and experiencing new thing with me.<br />
Taking care of previously a stranger in a strange land,<br />
surely make us a new family.<br />
I have this kakak, who is pregnant with her first child,<br />
her morning sickness was really bad, but at our little jamuan,<br />
she ate a lot.<br />
She said, rasa seronok sangat dapat makanan semenanjung.<br />
And since then, every weekend, we'll gather at our house (since my house is big),<br />
and we'll cook and give to that kakak.<br />
We have a lot of other activities.<br />
Badminton every week, visiting places of interest,<br />
trying new food,<br />
and mostly, just spending time with each other although we might just do nothing.<br />
Owh, how can I leave this place in another 7-8 months.<br />
One year surely will went by so fast.<br />
<br />
<i>Me: tiap minggu kita ni ada je aktiviti bersama-sama.. Keluar try itu, ini..Jalan sana sini.. Agak2 kalau kita kat semenanjung mahu kena marah dengan parents kan?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Housemate: Memanglah..Agaknya sampai tak kenal rumah kot..</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Me: Tulah..Bila dah kat sini, walaupon tiap minggu ada aktiviti, atleast bila balik rumah tu perasaan excited dia tu lain.. Rasa tak sabar nak balik rumah, tengok family, tengok parents..</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Housemate: Tulah hikmah jauh.. Selalu rasa nak balik, nak balik.. Kalau dekat dengan rumah, tiap minggu kita pegi merantau semua negeri..</i><br />
<br />
I guess,<br />
bila dah bekerja ni,<br />
home is no longer home.<br />
My parents home is now my hometown.<br />
Home is where I work and spend most of the time there.<br />
Home is now here.<br />
And probably next year,<br />
home is somewhere else.<br />
<br />cik hidayahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12344673424672862998noreply@blogger.com1