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Sunday, June 30, 2019

A Man With A Bigger Hands

assalamualaikum...

24.
I am 24 this year,
I keep on reminding myself about this.
Often that I forgot I'm 24.
This year, I don't get the 'bila nak kahwin' question frequently,
instead I get asked by my dad.
Yup, Abah yang tanya and honestly I dont have the answer for that.
I have one answer that I wont tell it out loud.
I will marry a person that will love me more than Abah could love me.
And by doing so, he must knew how Abah's love me.
I had enough of people judging me from the outside,
from my look, my house, my personal background, where I work, how much I earn and etc.
I am independent,
I afford to have everything.
Stop judging me from all that.
...........................................................

This has been in my draft with other 32 posts that I wrote but never publish for several reasons.
I wrote this on August 2015.
Now, I found that man with a bigger hand.
He never stop me from being a bigger persons.
He encourage me to be better,
and he loves me as much as my parents did.
His family love me as much, and I am grateful for that.
Thank You Amirul Afif,
for loving me.

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Engaged

Assalamualaikum.

It has been awhile.
A long time to be exact.
I miss this blog.
I miss writing.
A lot has happened.
A beautiful journey and a wonderful soul.
I am 27 now.
Engaged and about to get married. InsyaAllah.


I couldn't believe it myself.
Afterall, Allah knows best.
Alhamdulillah for everything and all the things.
Couldn't praise Allah enough for what happened in my life now.
When you have experienced sadness,
Happiness felt so expensive and priceless.
You cherished it more, you care for it more.
A wonderful soul that came to me and bring out the best he could bring,
A wonderful soul that make a storm in me go,
Leaving a calm and beautiful flower in my heart.
He ain't romantic, he is all firm and realistic.
But he made me trust and believe again.
A wonderful soul, that proposed me with this words,
'let us be friend then, boleh?'
A wonderful soul that once lived in my childhood, my teenage year and my adulthood.
Let he then be my past, present and future.
And let him be my here and thereafter.
For him who teach me to love without having to said it,
And yet proving it is meaningful and full of responsibilities.
A beautiful soul that makes me feel important,
I love you.
You mean the world to me too.





Thursday, November 9, 2017

A step out of fear

Antara ribuan kali doa yang di tabur
pada setiap timbunan awan
serta pada setiap landasan di serata pelusuk bumi,
pabila akhirnya Allah memakbulkan ia satu persatu
tiada kata yang mampu ku ucap
hanya air mata dan syukur pada Ilahi tidak putus lahir dari hati
Perasaan itu tidak mampu diungkai dengan perkataan
Memulakan itu tidak mudah bilamana ia pernah parah
Namun kali ini ia sangat berbeza
Pada sebuah doa,
Ya Rabb, bukakanlah hatiku hanya pada yang telah kau ciptakan untukku,
Dan Dia menjadikanku seorang wanita yang tidak mudah jatuh cinta lagi,
seorang yang dikatakan terlalu selesa berdikari sehingga terlalu memilih.
Bukan terlalu memilih, tetapi hati dan perasaan ini tidak mampu menerima,
tidak mampu untuk aku terangkan.

pada sebuah doa,
Ya Rabb, pertemukanlah aku dengan jodohku,
maka pertemuan itu telah lama terjadi.

Ya Rabb, jika dia ada disekelilingku, maka kau lorongkanlah dia untuk mendekat dengan ku
Dan Dia melorongkan jalan untuk dia menegurku dan mengenalku.

Ya Rabb, buka kanlah hatinya untuk melihatku.
Dan Dia membukakan pintu hati kami untuk menerima satu sama lain.
Indahnya perancangan Tuhan pada sesuatu yang telah lama terjadi.
Kun FayaKun.
Allah yang memegang hati kami dan Allah yang berhak membolak-balikkan perasaan kami.
Maka peliharalah kami ya Rabb

Pada doa-doa ini ya Rabb, ampunkan hambamu yang berdosa.
Sedangkan dosa-dosaku menimbun tinggi namun masih kau tetap Kau perkenankan permintaanku satu persatu.




Sunday, October 8, 2017

Pulang

Tak usahlah kau risau pasal ku Ku tahu kau mahu kejar impianmu Aku tahu kau ingin mencari diri Tempat jauh dari sini Memang jauh, Belum apa sudah rindu Belum apa jadi ku dah tunggu dua minggu Walaupun kau tiada di sisiku Fikiranku semua tentang "to be with you".

Ku rasakan kau dan aku semakin jauh Terpisah sementara ku rasa bertahun Cukupkah cinta dan janji tanpa jasad menemani Kekalutan dunia buat aku terlupa Kehidupan mencuri masa dari kita. Biar ku pulang Ke pangkuanmu Jadi yang terbaik Hanya untukmu

Biar ku pulang.
Tak usahlah kau risau pasal ku Ku tahu kau mahu kejar impianmu Aku tahu kau ingin mencari diri Tempat jauh dari sini Memang jauh, hey di seberang laut Meskipun kau jauh penggilanmu kan ku sahut Walaupun kau tiada di sisiku Kau buat ku bangga seperti ku di situ. Apabila aku pergi dengar sini aku janji Kan aku pulang bila engkau panggil Ku terus menunggu di sini masih Menghitung hari Hingga kau tergerak hati untuk kembali Jadi. Biar ku pulang Ke pangkuanmu Jadi yang terbaik Hanya untukmu Biar ku pulang. Pulang Biar ku pulang. Ku terus menunggu di sini masih Menghitung hari Hingga kau tergerak hati untuk kembali Jadi. Biar ku pulang Ke pangkuanmu Jadi yang terbaik Hanya untukmu Biar ku pulang .
...........
When everyone questioning me Why I am still here,  so far away from home,
You are the only one who tell me it's okay,
Come back when I am ready and you will be there when I'm back.
I am grateful for having you now.
I am thankful to Allah for reuniting us again.
Allah is indeed prepared us a very beautiful path.
Hoping that Allah bless this friendship towards a better ending.
Ameen.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

"Love you"

How this two words just changed my whole day.

Disturbed. Dumbfounded.
Emotionally detached.
I am not sure how I feel at that time when I hear that on the phone.
I am quite sure that it is just a teasing,
a measure of joking,
but I just stare at the phone and then hang it down.
Let me break this down:
a) we are not even close enough to joke around like that.
b) how easy it is to say this word.
c) That is a very sensitive line.

That is the most expensive word that I just couldn't simply say,
and hearing it said to me, I just have a mix feeling about it.
Second after I hear that, my head ache so much that I have to take a Tab of Stemetil.
And yet, I am still couldn't even digest what has been said to me just now.
The conversation from A-Z was repeating in my head.
Probably I am definitely a Philophobic and now it has gotten worse.
All this symptoms are very suggestive.

It is difficult to process this in my brain right now,
and even words did not flow smoothly as I write this.
I just wish I never hear it earlier this morning.

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