Sunday, March 10, 2013

a heart, an ice.


i can equalize my heart with an ice.
it seems so cold and hard on the outside.
my past make me the coldest person alive to everyone around me.
I have selective hearing. I hear what I want to hear, and ignore what I don't want to hear.
I am very good in keeping my tears invisible to everyone else.
I've stopped myself from telling what is in my mind, stop being as I am..
deep inside, I torn so much, that nobody notice bout it.
each day, I keep telling myself to be stronger,
I don't have anyone to tell because word is a restriction to me.
word is the hardest thing to say and explain for me.
I may act nonchalant, ignorant, but everything matter to me.
why must when things are getting better,
I hear something that I shouldn't.
I cried again, for the thing that happened long ago.
and, I dont even know why. It just the past hurt me so much.
I cried in public, where everyone may not see, when I thought no one sees.
because I just felt that it hurt.
it hurt so much but all that I can do is to behave myself.
That is exactly what others tell me.
"Hidayah please, don't do this, don't do that...people will get hurt if you did that..can't you get it"
Can't anyone get it? I am getting hurt too. I can't pleased everybody. 
Ice is not as hard as it seems. 


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