a letter to you.

Assalamualaikum.
I am a bit persuasive and annoying once I care about a person,
especially to those that I love.
I can't bear to see them in pain or tears,
I just can't.
I want to be there when they are in trouble,
I want them to lean on me, cry on my shoulder and let me wipe their tears.
It is all because I care too much.
So, when you said you are all alone, no one to turn to, nobody is there for you,
I keep asking myself, Where am I? What am I doing?
I feel really bad, I tried my best to reach you,
Unfortunately I can't hold you and be there for you.
I understand that you don't want me to see you in pain,
but your eyes, your gesture and your action speak it for you.
You are not happy, you are no longer you.
We have tried our best not to talk about what happened,
try to cheer you up, try to accept what you have chosen for yourself,
but it feels like you are the one who are not accepting what you have chosen.
It make me doubt if you have made the right decision.
I always have the thought why can't you wait a little, clear up your thoughts and make the decision later.
You don't have to rush for something this big,
because feeling is not something that we can force.
you are hurt, but please don't hurt anyone else with the decision you made when your feeling is still confused.
The pain is unbearable, we understand it although we are not in your shoes,
but we know time will heal and decide everything,
If you are happy with what you have now, then focus on it and stop looking back and unhappy for what happened at the past because you chose it.
If you are still not happy with what you have now, catch what make you happy.
This is not a small decision, this is your life.
You own your life and your happiness.
We just can't stand to see you unhappy but pretending that you are okay.
we are not okay to be happy when you are not okay.
because after all you know we care..maybe too much, I'm sorry.
and for this letter, I am so sorry because I don't know how to tell this to you.
whatever you decide and choose, if that make you happy, we will always support you.
you knew it, kan?

Sorry and I love you.

moving on when you are not.

Assalamualaikum.
As I reach 22 years old, I realize things are getting tougher in life.
Discussing about the future with your friends, family and love one.
It feel like a grown up when I am not.
Asked Umi if I act like I am 22..
She will obviously said no, seldom at home, umi will scold me on how messy my room are, how messy my study room are, how messy my kitchen are.
Always when I cook, my family will say that it is tasteless, kurang garam, kurang gula and etc.
And I will answer all the question like a child.."ala tapelah..cantik dah tu..sedaplah ni..kemas dah ni"
but despite all that, what I went through, what my friend went through is not something that I can act childishly.
Sometimes I am proud of myself to handle my ownselves in a quite a good way.
Atleast, I can actually make my own decision on what is good or bad, although no one is perfect and I, too, make mistakes.
I choose what I need to keep and what I need to move on.
Thinking about the fact on the future, it is a bit..hmm..I cant describe it.
What I know is I will graduate in another 7-8 months, then I will work at hospitals, or retail pharmacy or industrial pharmacy(??)
marriage? InsyaAllah but the chance maybe not within this 2-3 years since I dont think I have much time during Provisional Registered Pharmacist (PRP) or what other called it as houseman. (Clinical yg 1 case a week pon dah tak bernafas, inikan 20cases/week waktu PRP nanti)

Sometimes there are time when we all did the wrong decision at the wrong time.
and by the time had passed, we all regret what we have decided.
We regret that why on earth we did something so desperate, so rushed, so fast.
Sometimes we asked ourselves..'why can't we wait until we are ready to make the decision, why can't we keep calm and let time heal everything. And with time, we can make the right decision with a clearer vision of the future'
We learn from the bad decision, yes we did.
but sometimes the bad decision will not make things correct again.
it will change everything and nothing can be undo.

Whaddup!

Assalamualaikum..
it such a very loooooongggg time since I last updated this blog.
and such a long time to update my current situation or self or whatever.
There are lots of things that I miss.
I miss pampering myself, miss doing all my hobbies, I miss everyone, and even miss myself.
and I even miss writing on this blog.
this blog was once my addiction, just like my addiction on make up, shawl, square shawls, blouse, good health, getting on diet and the list goes on.
unfortunately I dont have enough time to do everything.
I was busy with clinical attachment, research project, assignments, presentation and etc.
It's already the end of November, and this November is never the same November I ever had.
So much things happened in November, so much laughter and cries.
Clinical attachment is very interesting and tiring for me.
I never studies as much as during the attachment.
Woke up at 6am, go out at 7am,
reach Hospital by 0735am, stayed there till 6pm since I have to wait for Umi to fetch me from her workplace,
reach home around 7pm,
clean, rest, eat until 830pm and start studying my case until I got all the answer for the precetor's question and understand the case, study the Clinical Practice Guidelines, all the drug interaction, all and everything on the drugs and ofcourse for my dearest lecturers, my complete report on my case.
I dont even have time for other things.
and maybe that's why the pharmacy department have so many beautiful single ladies. Like seriously.
It takes a person that could understand us completely.
Ok, done with attachment, I supposed to have poster presentation last week on thursday, but they postponed it.
I finished my poster, week before since I wanna go for a holiday at Perak. *wink*
Those trip is just so wonderful but I am too lazy to write it down..maybe I'll just put some picture in here.

p/s: the truth is, I put on weight after raya and still did not managed to get back my weight. So, I have to say that I am on diet. Thanks that I am on workout during puasa and raya, it did not really affect my physical appearance so much.

let fate fares you better- hlovate

let fate fares you, me, us better

AO: Minn, I love you the way you're today, nonetheless before
Minn: I wanted fate to fare you better
AO: Fate is faring me best with you by my side
Minn: I'm not perfect
AO: So do I
Minn: I'm still adjusting with the new me
AO: W'll get through it together
Minn: We've never had anything to do with each other before
AO: We'll start from step one
MInn: We need time to work things out
AO: We have forever”- hlovate, versus

Istana Budaya

assalamualaikum..
last Sunday, I was at Istana Budaya for a concert,
this is my first concert and I drove myself to Istana Budaya, KL.
I was so excited, and I went there with ofcourse my beloved bestfriend, yin and nani..
Unfortunate for teha, because she has to go back to USM..
so, whose concert that I went??

it's YUNA!!
I am a fan of yuna since she is still not that popular,
It was back then on 2009 which is after I took my SPM
when she first debut her first songs Dan Sebenarnya on the radio,
I've finished listening to almost all her songs at the moment.

I am not her fan because people said I look like her,
and I am not look alike Yuna because I am her fan.
I love her music, although I am not really into her style and fashion.

The concert is soooo awesome,
I can't take my eyes off her dress, credit to Halta Dolmat, it just suit her well.
Yuna's voice is mesmerizing,
she sang 21 songs, although there are new songs that I haven't really listen to,
but I got to listened to all my favourite songs except for fading flower.
the combination of Yuna's voice and Symphony National Orchestra was fantastic,
She invited Mike from Incubus and sang a cover from Incubus which is I Miss You,
I had a chance to meet the famous Yuna's personal photographer a.k.a Yuna's special someone I guess, Mr Julian Schratter,
and overall is just wonderful!