Philophobic

That girl in a grey jubah..
She went to a wedding happily wishing the bride and the groom.
She was so happy to see other people happiness.
The way she's happy to see how lovely her parents are after decades of marriage.
Atleast love still exist somewhere in this world.
She believe that love exist.
She believe everyone were meant for someone.
She believe that loyalty exist and love will never change even thousand of years had passes by.
But those rule, those believes doesn't applied to her.
For her, she's extremely afraid to be hurt again.
One day, if someone told her he'll be there for her forever,
To hold her and embrace her with love,
To stay loyal even there will be so many trials and hardship in life,
To always care for her,
All the images of these make her eyes teary.
She couldn't stop crying for these images because it seems too good to be true.
These images, how could she believe when she had once trusted someone and he broke her..
Making the i-love-you seems so unrealistic. A lie and it fill her thought with just one thing,
What if one day, he realize that he didn't love her anymore? What if he lied? What if he left her? What will happened to her again? Could she handle it again?
And that's the reason behind her tears when she tried to imagine someone's gonna love her.
It is better not to hope someone's gonna be there to love her always. She's happy to attend wedding, to watch romantic movies alone, to went on date with herself and her bestfriend, to hear a proposal but just not the imagination of her own love story. Not yet.

Final decision

Assalamualaikum.

I always have a thought on how life randomly change.
The path that we took,
A tiny decision affect our future.
I've seen a lot of mistakes being done by people around me and mostly my own mistakes.
I've abandoned my friend for love
And love abandoned me for another love.
People abandoned love for another choices.
I chose to be a pharmacist rather than my old ambition as an engineer or dietitian.
People chose to persue their ambition rather than taking a highly-paid-salary courses.
People choose another path than the so-called better path
One single thing change every single thing.
Indeed, I've seen how many people regrets their choice.
Still struggling with the unchoosen path,
The road not taken.
How many people cry for the thing they can't change.
And how many people were confused with the choices they need to make?
A future spouse, future job, just future.
How will you know that you'll end up with the right choice?
What if what we claimed as a right choice is not the right choice?
What if the one we think were destined for us was not the one?
What if, people will end up with someone or some choices because they simply have only that one last choice or there's no other choice other than that?
I often have a thought about this.
What if we choose someone not because they are the one for us,
But because we have reach 'THE age' that we're supposed to get married as everyone else do and end up with just someone who stuck with us at THE age.
Believe me, you don't have to think too much about this.
But when it strucks your mind,
You will never tired to wonder about the whole qada' and qadr.
This subjects often interest me but no one and no creatures will ever know about the world of the unseen.
Allah knows best.