Independent Girl

Assalamualaikum..

by 17 things to expect when you date who's used to be on her own

1. Expect her to do her own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that you don’t matter; it’s just that she’s learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone

2. She'll probably want to take things slowly because she's not used to all the attention. Don't think she don't like you enough, she probably likes you alot; it's just all new to her.

3. Expect her friends to be overprotective of her and to be suspicious of you at first. They’re not used to her being with someone and they’ll want to make sure you’re the kind of guy who will treat her well.

4. She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her. Try not to take this personally. She’s just used to taking care of herself and it’ll be hard for her to live in a world where she’s got someone else looking out for her in that way.

5. Expect her to be stubborn, to always want things her way, and to fight you when she doesn’t get it. Don’t always give in to her, but do let her win sometimes.

6. She needs to be left alone often especially when you first start seeing each other and it should feel like she’s head over heels. Believe that she has more butterflies in her stomach than she knows what to do with, which is why she’ll need to compose herself.

7. Expect her to pull away from you, especially when she realizes how much she likes you. She’ll come back to you but she’ll need time to think her feelings through.

8. She’ll question you, sometimes directly, sometimes implicitly, about your feelings for her. She’ll always want to know if they are real or if she’s making things up in her head.

9. Expect her to be headstrong. She’ll tell you, “I’ve got this,” more than you’ll want to hear. But she’ll get used to your offers to help. And in time she’ll know how to let go of the tight grip she seems to have on everything.

10. She’ll be guarded, and she won’t be keen on letting you in. She’s waiting to see if you’re patient, she’s waiting to see if you’re worth it. She’s hoping that you’re worth it.

11. Expect her to be stingy with trust, to only give a little bit at a time. But every time she gives you a little, it’ll feel like a big step for her. Cherish these big steps.

12. She’ll come across as strong, maybe too strong for you at first. But don’t be intimidated, this is her outer shell. And when you get to know her, you’ll know she’s strong but soft; tough but kind.

13. Expect her to be reserved, at least about the things that matter. Until you really get to know her. And then you’ll see the untamed, raw, and always beautiful open version of her that she’ll let you fully discover.

14. She’ll be slow with her vulnerabilities, and hide many of her weaknesses. And when she shows you them, she’ll feel naked. Clothe her with your words.

15. Expect her not to need you, and not to believe in needing much of anything at all. But she’ll want you. And when she does, it’ll be the most exhilarating feeling you’ve ever experienced.

16. She’ll be scared – scared to be hurt, scared to love, and be loved. Scared that you’ll eventually hurt her or leave her and if and when that happens, she won’t know who she was before.

17. Being alone is her default, it’s her comfort zone. But expect her to fall in love with you faster than she’ll admit and in a way that isn’t loud but still powerful; it’ll be like a little bit of heaven. And it won’t matter if you love her for a while or for a lifetime; her love will change both you and her forever.

................................

Still am even after those 3 years and yeah, being alone is my comfort zone.

I don't really care not to go out for days or weeks,

I don't care not to talk to any of my friends everyday,

I don't really care about socializing around,

make friends with male,

I don't really care about all that.

Probably, I'm just so in love with myself.

And Him.

Incapable

She is a person incapable to accept that feeling of him,

Not because she hated him,

She's just incapable.

She never thought someone will take care of her the way he did.

The distance she created years ago, wasn't for her,

It was for him. 

Because she's incapable.

It wasn't about the wound she's holding onto.

It never was 

Because the pain never existed years ago.

She doesn't has any intention to make him hurt again,

She knew he's holding a wound too,

and she's sorry she's gonna hurt him again.

She's incapable,

and the distance shall be recreated again.

Amnesia II

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine

Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all

The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone
And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around

It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long

It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before
And you'd never slip away
And you'd never hear me say

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all
No, I'm really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream
'Cause I'm really not fine at all

Amnesia by 5 seconds of summer

Dear No One

I like being independent
Not so much of an investment
No one to tell me what to do
I like being by myself
Don’t gotta entertain anybody else
No one to answer to

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when its cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

I don’t really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out
I like my space, yeah
But I’d love to have a soul mate
God will give him to me someday& I know it’ll be worth the wait

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when its cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song
...............................

Dear No One by Tori Kelly
I have this thing that I don't really hear songs from original singer.
I hear from covers and it just it.
But this song, I still can't found a good cover singer.
Btw, Congrats though for those who were graduating today.
Hope, you all succeed in your future.
Mine's coming soon.
Dear no one, hope to meet you soon and this time I want to make it correct, the way that we both will get Allah's blessing.

Kalau permulaan hubungan itu bercampur antara keredhaan dan kemurkaan Allah, bagaimana nak dapat penghujung yang diredhai?

Tinggalkan sesuatu perkara kerana Allah, dan Allah akan gantikan dengan sesuatu yang lebih baik. InsyaAllah

Bidadari

Assalamualaikum.

30 & 31hb ogos yang lepas, Alhamdulillah, Allah izinkan aku untuk mengikuti The Bidadari Convention anjuran iMuslim.

To be there with the crowd and to gain knowledge from amazing speakers, what I can say is just BLESSED.

Tak pernah ada pengalaman join majlis ilmu macam ini.

Dulu, tak pernah mencari ilmu macamni,

Berlagak, Ujub, Riak. Astaghfirullah.

Somehow lepas dah habis study and InsyaAllah will be graduating soon,

masa banyak sangat dan terdetik hati untuk cari ilmu.

Bila dah niat entah macamana Allah detikkan pada hati untuk tanya kawan sekolah dulu, Anis

And suddenly tahu pasal Twins of Faith,

Dapat tahu pulak pasal The Bidadari Convention ni lagi beberapa hari nak raya and tarikh macam dah dekat sangat,

ingat tiket dah habis tapi lepastu Anis guide beli dekat siapa semua,

Memula book tiket sorang2, memang tak fikir nak ajak teman pon maybe sebab rasa dah last minute takut tak ada yang nak join.

Punyalah berani nak pergi PICC sesorang padahal event pukul 10 pagi- 10malam.

Tup3, ajak girlfriends pegi twins of faith, pastu cerita sekali pasal The Bidadari and Alhamdulillah Yin and Teha nak pergi sama.

Dekat sana, for the first time, I just can't describe it how I feel there,

The crowd, the speakers, the event, everything, just everything, MasyaAllah!

I never been to a very smooth event as this event,

I don't have any single complaint on it,

I learn a lot. Like seriously a lot. Not only through the lectures but also through the surrounding.

Everyone dekat situ was really nice,

Tak henti mulut dari keluar perkataan, masyaAllah, subhanallah, Alhamdulillah.

To see them covering their aurah completely make me segan untuk pakai something indecent.

Sebab ramai sangat orang, we took the ablution at toilet sink, and mostly lepas habis wuduk akan lap air sekeliling sink tu bagi kering,

Then what I love the most adalah, how I could see everyone's performing their solat just everywhere and anywhere, not necessarily in the musolla.

And how we all performed our solat with the clothing we are wearing outside of the solat.

I remembered back then, orang kita ada stigma yang "you dont have your telekung, you can't perform your solah."

Alhamdulillah, nowadays people are aware, kalau pakaian yang kita pakai untuk keluar rumah tak cukup lengkap untuk kita tunaikan solat, it means we are not covering our aurah right.

I am not righteous pon, I made a lot of mistakes,

I'm learning now, to be better, to stay away from Allah's hatred, to forgive my own mistakes, to ask forgiveness from Him.

Baby steps, This Bidadari Convention cuma batu loncatan for me to change and be better,

Maybe dalam berubah ni pon, ada benda yang macam hipokrit, but somehow we have to be hypocrite till we make it.

Dalam terpaksa tu datang ikhlas.

And somehow, day by day, rasa tenang menyelinap dalam hati,

Bahagia datang dalam duka yang panjang,

Dugaan datang bertimpa-timpa, tapi Allah hadirkan gembira.

Sebab janji dia, Dia ada buat mereka yang sabar, 

Dan sesiapa yang mencari Dia, akan dipertemukan dengan apa yang di cari.
I feel so much better now.
InsyaAllah. Doakan aku istiqamah dalam jalanNya.