Thantophobic

Assalamualaikum..

People always leave.
That, is another reason to not to open up to people.
Whenever I told them about my insecurities,
about my dreams,
what I want in life,
something always happened,
and it ended up with a goodbye.
I know I will have to say goodbye too,
but I never thought it was this early.
I'm so used to disappointment and frustration that I just couldn't feel anything anymore.
I gave up on people.
I gave up on those who wanted to know me better,
I gave up on that first hello,
I gave up on all those attention.
I gave up on those deeper conversations,
I gave up on all of the kindness and help.
I gave up.
Because I know I could never depend on someone,
I will never let myself to be dependent at someone.
I'm not allowing myself.
I am independent, I shall not rely on people.
and that is how I don't care to shut people off.
Thanks for all the kindness and help shown.
But in the end, you will still leave.

menduga

Assalamualaikum..

mungkin yang hadir hanya datang untuk menduga..
atau mungkin, aku yang menduga pada yang hadir..

Have you met a person that you just clicked.
A person that makes you feel that you have met them forever?
Have you ever met a person that have a lot of similarities to you, to your past, and even the person closed to them are similar with you?
Have you just met a person that at the first conversation you had with them you just didn't hide anything and wanted to tell them everything?
But deep down you know,
all the similarities, the coincindences, the chemistry are just a test to you and your heart.
It makes you remember what happened in the past,
It makes you stronger in the future.
And you see the reflection of yourself and all of your stories in that person.
A reflection which you hope, you didn't see.
All those chemistry, in the end are just hurting you.
And somehow, those chemistry still make you happy.
There is too much to think about.
There is too much to consider.
Too much, that is too little.
And you keep on wondering,
Why Allah put you there, to meet that person,
to know them.
And both of you know somehow this meeting is just making both of you confused.
This is a battle, I wish I didn't have.
This is a battle between what is right and what is wrong.
I made a promised once, that I will never do the thing that someone else's did to me because I knew how much it hurt and it still hurt.
I know what goes around comes around.
And that what makes me more confused, numb and dumb.
May Allah protect me from what is not for me,
and may Allah give his guidance for this test.
Semua yang jadi, pertemuan, perpisahan, kenapa aku di sini, kenapa aku jumpa seseorang, mesti ada hikmah yang hanya Allah yang tahu sebab dan hikmahnya and if things were meant to happened, no hand will ever can stop things to happened, and if things were not meant to happened, no hands will ever could let it happened. This are the thing that I learnt from my past. Doakan..