broke me

I always win in every area of life,
A good family,
A good friend,
A good education,
A good job,
A good surroundings,
*Alhamdulillah*
I win in everything if all that is considered winning except love.
And I always lose to another women.
Always.
....................

I broke my own heart,
for a hope that is hopeless,
for something that never begin
and something that is never intended,
how random everything happened,
that my mistake was to fall,
to the only person that able to make me feel again,
to a person that could bring back the warm feeling of care,
to smile just when I saw his name on the screen,
to just want to share a good movie I just watch,
and just to have a random conversation on anything,
to understand his hobbies and why he love it,
to just want to say something even if he never reply,
And to just pray to Him whenever I terribly miss that person.
The fact that he's happy with someone that is not me,
it broke me,
and ofcourse it makes me cry.
but yet, I hope he's happy.
And again, I always know when to leave,
and when I leave, I know I'll never come back.
One thing for sure,
each time I leave, I'll never be the same person again.
And it often leave a scar on my heart,
 a reminder that I am always difficult to love.