All this while,
I was the heartbroken.
I was the one getting hurt.
And I was the one who were left behind.
Until then, I learn,
I'm the one who broke their heart.
I'm really sorry for those hearts I hurt,
For those love I denied,
And for all proposals I refused.
I thought I was ready for the next thing in life,
But I learnt, I wasn't ready for love.
He was a good man from a good family whom I prayed for these criteria every single day.
I learnt, what I prayed for, the Almighty will always give it to me but not everything I prayed for is compatible and suitable for me.
At this moment, at this stage of life.
And I realized, this is not a mere love story, not even a fairytale.
Life is beautiful, as its chapter unfold.
I learn to accept me and my flaws and my past and everything else.
I'm in love with myself and Him.
For now, my prayer is to let life flows on its own.
I can't force love and no one could.
I've made istikharah twice (in a period of time) and lesson from it was:
1. Ask Him, and He will always answer.
2. The answer is in your heart and go with your instinct.
3. Sometimes, the answer lies on your parents' guidance. They know you more than you know yourself.
4. Never feel burden with your answer, for it came from The Almighty.
5. If both of you were meant for each other, Allah will move both of their heart and not only one heart.
You can't force your instinct and heart.
However, it still doesn't feel good to hurt someone.
That sometimes it haunt me.
I'm really sorry because I know how hurt it was.
