Pindah

 Assalamualaikum.

18 December 2020 at 7pm.

I was chilling after maghrib prayer in the living room.

Suddenly I felt like checking the Semakan Kerjaya KKM page and THERE IT WAS!

"Semakan Keputusan Mesyuarat Jawatankuasa Penempatan dan Pertukaran Pegawai Farmasi Gred UF41-UF54 Bil. 4 Tahun 2020"

and...........

ALHAMDULILLAH! ALLAHUAKBAR!

Finally this is my time. Allah has granted my prayer.

I asked Allah everyday; 

" Ya Allah, apabila tiba saat yang kau izinkan, kau tempatkan aku di tempat yang baik untuk kerjayaku, tempat yang baik untuk hubungan kami suami isteri dan untuk kami membina keluarga kami. Sesungguhnya engkau mengetahui sedangkan kami tidak mengetahui"

and Allah listened! Alhamdulillah!

Despite the fact that I am happy for this wonderful news, I am sad to leave this home that shelter me for the past 4 years.

I do feel sad to leave these people who have been here with me and help me while I am all alone here.

and definitely I'll be missing my cats.

but life goes on.

Bertemu dan berpisah adat manusia biasa. Hilang dimata, tapi dihati tidak lupa.

I packed my stuff by myself because at that time Covid cases in Sabah are extremely high. Going in and out of Sabah were difficult because for each journey requires swab test. 

Two weeks before my last day in Hospital Tenom, only then I told my staff (ofcourse all the PF and boss know). 1 year in Outpatient Pharmacy and 3 years in Inpatient Pharmacy. I grew attached to this place. I hope that whatever SOPs and guideline that I created with the team in Tenom will bring benefit for those I left behind. Leaving this place in the middle of the war against this Covid Pandemic while I was the pharmacist incharge of PKRC, I hope I have served my best.

There were few extra steps that I need to take to move during movement control order. Before this we have our colleagues and friends to send to to the airport but not during MCO. I have to move alone. Three hours journey from Tenom- Kota Kinabalu were filled with tears and memories. I can't believe that was my last journey across Crocker Range. I still remember crossing the banjaran as early as 5am. It was pitch black with no other car around. It was one of the memorable journey thru three roadblocks.

This was a memorable journey through a period of my career life.

I'm glad to serve this place, Negeri di bawah bayu. 

For all the experiences I had with everyone in Sabah. I'm grateful and thankful.

My friends in Tawau and Tenom.\

Doctors and colleagues that came and go.

My landlord that treat me like their own family.

One day, we'll meet again. InsyaAllah

Rindu

Assalamualaikum.
It’s 2020.
In fact it’s June 2020. Its already half a year.
Not a great year btw.
We were hit by a pandemic, Covid-19.
Malaysia was under Movement Control Order.
No flights in or out of Sabah.
Which is very difficult for married couples like us who were separated and in a Long Distance Relationship.
In such way, we all dealt with loneliness and missing each other differently.
When I miss him, I tend to be clingy.
But when he misses me, he tend to be sad.
Every relationship has their own ups and downs.
This is our struggle.
At time, it felt so difficult that I felt like leaving everything and be with him.
Allah knows what is best for us.
At time, I am helpless.
I don’t know what to do.
All I can say was Ya Allah, help me. Help us.
I wish that I could transfer home sooner.
Allahumma Amin.

A Man With A Bigger Hands

assalamualaikum...

24.
I am 24 this year,
I keep on reminding myself about this.
Often that I forgot I'm 24.
This year, I don't get the 'bila nak kahwin' question frequently,
instead I get asked by my dad.
Yup, Abah yang tanya and honestly I dont have the answer for that.
I have one answer that I wont tell it out loud.
I will marry a person that will love me more than Abah could love me.
And by doing so, he must knew how Abah's love me.
I had enough of people judging me from the outside,
from my look, my house, my personal background, where I work, how much I earn and etc.
I am independent,
I afford to have everything.
Stop judging me from all that.
...........................................................

This has been in my draft with other 32 posts that I wrote but never publish for several reasons.
I wrote this on August 2015.
Now, I found that man with a bigger hand.
He never stop me from being a bigger persons.
He encourage me to be better,
and he loves me as much as my parents did.
His family love me as much, and I am grateful for that.
Thank You Amirul Afif,
for loving me.

Engaged

Assalamualaikum.

It has been awhile.
A long time to be exact.
I miss this blog.
I miss writing.
A lot has happened.
A beautiful journey and a wonderful soul.
I am 27 now.
Engaged and about to get married. InsyaAllah.


I couldn't believe it myself.
Afterall, Allah knows best.
Alhamdulillah for everything and all the things.
Couldn't praise Allah enough for what happened in my life now.
When you have experienced sadness,
Happiness felt so expensive and priceless.
You cherished it more, you care for it more.
A wonderful soul that came to me and bring out the best he could bring,
A wonderful soul that make a storm in me go,
Leaving a calm and beautiful flower in my heart.
He ain't romantic, he is all firm and realistic.
But he made me trust and believe again.
A wonderful soul, that proposed me with this words,
'let us be friend then, boleh?'
A wonderful soul that once lived in my childhood, my teenage year and my adulthood.
Let he then be my past, present and future.
And let him be my here and thereafter.
For him who teach me to love without having to said it,
And yet proving it is meaningful and full of responsibilities.
A beautiful soul that makes me feel important,
I love you.
You mean the world to me too.

A step out of fear

Antara ribuan kali doa yang di tabur
pada setiap timbunan awan
serta pada setiap landasan di serata pelusuk bumi,
pabila akhirnya Allah memakbulkan ia satu persatu
tiada kata yang mampu ku ucap
hanya air mata dan syukur pada Ilahi tidak putus lahir dari hati
Perasaan itu tidak mampu diungkai dengan perkataan
Memulakan itu tidak mudah bilamana ia pernah parah
Namun kali ini ia sangat berbeza
Pada sebuah doa,
Ya Rabb, bukakanlah hatiku hanya pada yang telah kau ciptakan untukku,
Dan Dia menjadikanku seorang wanita yang tidak mudah jatuh cinta lagi,
seorang yang dikatakan terlalu selesa berdikari sehingga terlalu memilih.
Bukan terlalu memilih, tetapi hati dan perasaan ini tidak mampu menerima,
tidak mampu untuk aku terangkan.

pada sebuah doa,
Ya Rabb, pertemukanlah aku dengan jodohku,
maka pertemuan itu telah lama terjadi.

Ya Rabb, jika dia ada disekelilingku, maka kau lorongkanlah dia untuk mendekat dengan ku
Dan Dia melorongkan jalan untuk dia menegurku dan mengenalku.

Ya Rabb, buka kanlah hatinya untuk melihatku.
Dan Dia membukakan pintu hati kami untuk menerima satu sama lain.
Indahnya perancangan Tuhan pada sesuatu yang telah lama terjadi.
Kun FayaKun.
Allah yang memegang hati kami dan Allah yang berhak membolak-balikkan perasaan kami.
Maka peliharalah kami ya Rabb

Pada doa-doa ini ya Rabb, ampunkan hambamu yang berdosa.
Sedangkan dosa-dosaku menimbun tinggi namun masih kau tetap Kau perkenankan permintaanku satu persatu.